The day I almost murdered

Presently I am reading a book called “World most notorious murderers, despots and con-men.”

Bought it from Landmark more because it fitted my wallet than my taste. Been reading it for the last one week, and I can already feel murderous tendencies creeping into me.

This book talks of guys who got strangers into their cars, tied them to the seats and then burnt them so that they could feign death and make do with the insurance money. It talks of guys who killed children and sold the meat to make money. It talks of men who threw strangers into vats of sulphuric acid (H2SO4) for their personal belongings. It talks of guys who buried people alive for a few crisp dollars.

I know it is creepy, and that is why I don`t read it in the night. In fact, I read it in the morning, immediately after getting up.

Blame it on my early morning reading, when one’s mind is impressionable (i know coz my father always asked me to get up early and study), I have been having murderous tendencies since.

For example, there were these two ants that ate my whole breakfast. I know you are laughing at the volume of my breakfast, but I am dieting. Anyways, coming back to the two ants, I killed them…rather drowned them.

Today, I brought my that tendency of mine to to office. In fact, I was really scared, that I would end up killing somebody here. Luckily, nothing of that sort happened.

Rajamani did not bother me much. There was no race last Sunday, hence Vinesh was also at a safe distance.

Not to mention, Rekha, who didnot argue about the money I owe her before agreeing to buy me lunch. And of course, Kennedi, who laughed on all my jokes, which kept me in the cool.

As for Kountinya, good that he was busy today…otherwise, he would have got it the moment he started his one of those I-am-better-than-thou speeches. Above all, I should compliment Navneet, who didnot call me at 2617 reporting errors on the Sify Sports home, and escaped sure death.

And as for some in the news team, they sensed my mood and kept themselves away. I tell you, a nose-for-news they may have or not, they sure have a nose for the smell of death.

Talking of the smell of death, I hate the smell of flesh burning. Last time when my mother roasted chicken, I fainted….

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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