Don`t you wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There`s one marked “Brightness” but it doesn`t work.
Today (29th May), my daughter is two months old. This also means that it has been five months since my wife Rekha left me stranded in Chennai so that she can deliver the baby in her town (village, actually).
In the last five months, my only companion has been our 29 inch, gray colored Samsung. We have now become good friends.
Between 10-hours of work and 8-hours of sleep, I have been able to squeeze in 7-8 hours of television time. Speaks volumes of my ability to put my shoulder to the wheel and grind away. Some argue that it`s the comfortable bean bag I sit on.
I have been in front of a television for so long, that I even spotted two of my friends. Selva Bhoopathy rode his Yamaha across the screen when the Sun TV camera man was focusing on the accident spot and Ranjith Nair was getting down from a bus in a documentary on the crowded Chennai busses.
While on the subject of appearing on television…if I were given a choice between an orgasm and appearing on television, I would prefer the latter. After all, appearing on television depends on the program producer`s mood…while an orgasm is in my own hands.
As I was saying, I have been having 8-hour sessions in front of the television. And I have realized that watching television can be made easier if you are near your snacks (place the air-tight, snack container next to your bean bag) and the television is in a room with attached washroom (stop! You can`t place that next to your bean bag).
Thanks to my television marathons, we now even have furniture in our house. The other day I was watching popular American sitcom ‘Friends` and Joey Tribbiani blurted out: “What? You don`t own a TV? What`s all your furniture pointing out at?”
Joey had made me realize that I was living my life all ulta, so I bought new furniture and placed all of them facing the television.
One drawback of watching too much television is the loss of friends. I now have lesser friends than I had five months back (though, Rekha would translate that as ‘less money spent`).
Back in the good old days, I used to have a lot of friends because I never watched TV…instead I read a lot of books. My friends would address me as a well-read gentleman (ok, I am lying about the gentleman bit). But now, nobody addresses me as ‘well-read`. I tried to argue saying the latest headlines ticker running at the bottom qualifies as text, but my friends wouldn`t believe me.
One of my favourite television channels is the TV18 Group owned Home Shopping Network … AWAAZ. It is the only channel which attempts to solve the shopping problems of India`s helpless, stuck-at-home TV viewers like me.
On my first day with AWAAZ, I hated its salespeople. They were having multiple orgasms while I was stuck in front of the television. The next day, I realized that the programs were recorded and they were only trying to act excited and sell products like –
Next in my list of favorites comes God Television for its rock music and Reality Television for its program called Cheaters (This is a very civilized program…I request all self-respecting individuals who has ever loved somebody, to visit their site and see what the program is all about. Pathetic!)
My least favorite television channel is Discovery because I think it is too adult in content to be aired freely. Even now, they are showing a duck, which as Lenny Bruce says is 75% obscene!
Funny, Funnier, Funniest
# Sex on television
# Getting to know sex thro` Fashion TV
# The debate: Pre-marital sex
# Marriage & Olympics…are the same
# Different strokes for different folks
# Inviting friends over to your house