Vishu Visit: How it all began

Rekha and I had left Chennai on 12th evening. Here is a break up of the day`s events. In subsequent posts I will be writing on what transpired once we landed in Kerala.

[Everything that follows, including the typos, is being reproduced as was written in a moving train on 12th evening]

Ever since Rekha missed the train to Kannur two days before her (actually our) marriage, we make it a point to reach the station at least an hour before the train leaves. If we had been newly married we wouldn`t have noticed the hunger pangs until it was too late…but fortunately…nature`s calling lead us to the small Mary Brown outlet in the Central station. The last time we had been there, we had read a note saying, “Thanks for coming. Please come again. You are a valued customer.” Being a grateful lot, we Rajans landed there in spite of our bad experience last time.

After the dinner, I got a chance to be Karnam Malleshwari as I lugged at our luggage. At least Malleshwari has the medal in sight to egg her on. I only had Rekha. Believe me…when you have to impress a girl you can carry the World on your shoulder but once you are married and there is no other pretty girl walking beside your wife…there is no incentive. Anyway, after carrying two bags weighing 25Kgs each (mind you, for a six day trip to a village)…I was sweating profusely. It was a moment of truth. Suddenly the fact was staring at my face – that I was a good sweater.

This time also I had managed to convince Rekha to travel in the second class. She is getting upset with this practice of mine…but can`t help it. Had it not been for the pretty girl sitting opposite me, I wouldn`t have decided to let Rekha alone travel in 3rd AC next time.

Rekha doesn`t understand it but I love the 2nd class. So much so, I didn`t know why my father was upset with me when I got 2nd class in college. Though, this time I realized second class is actually one class lesser than the first and not the other way around.

With a pretty girl sitting opposite, I didn`t want to be seen as Rekha`s husband. Hence, instead of discussing nanotechnology with Rekha, I decided to come up with a business strategy on my own. One strategy that stuck for long was ‘high-jacking the train`. By the way, would it be called high-jacking? When somebody takes control of an aero plane it is known as high-jacking because it happens high up in the air. But in the case of a train…it happens on the tracks…so would it be track-jacking? Or maybe train-jacking? Whatever it is…I am sure the first guy to do this to a car or an aero plane was named Jack. Or maybe, he used a Jack to do it.

How would I make money on a train jack? Simple. There are 74 seats in each coach (correct me if I am wrong, I never counted) and there are at least twelve 2nd class coaches, three 3rd AC coaches, two 2nd AC coaches and one 1st class coach in an average train. A sure shot inventory of 1500 pairs of footwear. OK fine…1500 minus two pairs. I couldn`t possibly be stealing Rekha`s and mine..can I?

Rekha tells me that we will reach Kannur at 10.30 a.m., the next day. I don`t believe her. Damn it…I don`t even believe the railway time tables. The good thing about such travel by married couples is that there is no TV, Radio, Newspaper or Mobiles (the Hutch Dog doesn`t actually follow you everywhere, as claimed by the advertisement). To cut the long story short, Rekha and I were forced to talk to each other. We had a very interesting conversation on 18th century Chezkoslovakian poets who believed in capitalism. Rekha believes that there are no Chezkoslovakian poets (nope…Anton Chekhov was neither a poet nor a Chezkoslovakian) or Chezkoslovakian capitalists or Capitalist poets. I tried to argue but she had me Chezk-mated.

We went to sleep at 9 p.m..

[Thanks to the shaky train, my hand writing is pretty bad. You will have to bear with it. Apparently, Rekha ordered for a Train Shake while booking the tickets online.]

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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