What if meat were made in a lab

I know it sounds kind of kinky, but soon all kinds of meat will be made in labs. Don`t believe me? Read this The Sun Online article.

It could be years before the lab-meat gets supplied to our homes….but the news has shocked me. So many things that I love today will no longer exist after the lab meat is readily available. In fact, the whole practice of meat eating will change.

Right at the outset, vegetarians will have no excuse but to turn non-vegetarian. The age-old excuse that they can`t kill an animal to fill their stomach will no longer hold good. After all…it would be cultured meat.

The long queue that we see in front of the chicken, mutton & fish stalls on Sunday mornings will slowly dwindle away. Instead, on all Sundays there will be a long queue in front of all meat-rearing laboratories. The labs being seats of high technology…you might even be able to order over the Internet.

Meat would be available in flavors …to go with your desserts. You might evenbe able to match it with your ice-cream. Perhaps Strawberry flavored chicken or Rum flavored veal. Not to mention the Pista flavored fish.

I guess it would render the poultry-folks and fishermen (and women) jobless. Nobody would rear hens, cocks, goats, pig, cow for meat. Cows will still be found in households in villages….for their milk and sacred cow dung…but hens, cocks and goats might become extinct. As for the pigs….garbage in and around the city will ensure their survival.

The pigs brought up in garbage dumps will be black. At least, I haven`t seen a white pig in a garbage dump. This rules out a sequel to the sequel called Babe – a Pig in the city because there will be no white pig to act. Without hens and cocks…sequel to the movie Chicken Run will also not be possible.

Leaving the movies aside let us get back to real action – labs selling meat. The white coats of the scientists will now acquire a new meaning …and color… blood red. You could walk up to any scientist and ask: “Do you guys sell meat? If yes, I would like to book two kilograms for this Sunday.”

But then, there is a small problem. You will not be able to order your favorite pieces – lively liver, thunder thighs etc. You will only get protein-rich slabs. If you haven`t yet realized, this also means the end of the famed Indian Briyani. What`s a Biriyani without a leg piece? What`s a bathroom without a towel?

Thanks to the cultured meat we will neither have bird flu nor mad cow disease. But we will continue to have PMS!

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

One reply on “What if meat were made in a lab”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *