There is nothing like sipping white wine in the afternoon, content in the thought that the previous day`s pizza which is now in the refrigerator….is next in line. Any other day I would have preferred red wine. But why drink what you like when everything else in your life is going the other way?
Nah…I am just kidding. It isn`t that bad yet.
My wife has left me for a 45 day vacation. My girl friend will soon be leaving me for another guy. As for my daughter, she has forgotten that I exist. I am told in my daughter`s recently updated dictionary now “father” means the proud, plantain tree in the backyard of my father-in-law`s house. At least she got one bit right – the ‘proud` bit.
For the last 15 days I have been staying alone in Gurgaon, and here is how I have progressed:
Wow! Free again! Man needs his time away from wife. One definitely can`t smile at all the nagging all the time. Four years of marriage is long. Marriage should be a year long contract to be renewed at the end of the expiry date. Each party should be able to pull out of the contract with one month advance notice. Disputes, if any should be settled in the jurisdiction of the Husband`s home town.
Is it OK to walk nude out of the washroom when you are dripping wet to pick up the towel drying on the treadmill? Where are my ironed clothes? Where is the magic cupboard from where ironed clothes keep coming out every day? Socks? Why are they so small…can`t we have bigger socks so that they don`t get lost? Can`t a single sock be made…so one isn`t left with one in hand and another God knows where?
The two utensils that can be used to make tea are in the sink. Can`t have tea. Is Pepsi a good supplement for tea? In MBA classes they did mention that nimbu pani, tea & lassi are Pepsi`s competitors! Ironed clothes are fast running out. Is ironing other`s clothes still a career option? Are people still doing it? Where do they stay…how do I find them?
Damn! Soap slipped and fell in the potty. I know there is unused soap in the house. Where is it? Idea…let me use the small soap I picked up from Land`s End in Mumbai when I stayed there for three days….six years back. Split between corn flakes & oats. Corn flakes wins because the only utensil in which oats can be cooked is in the sink.
Shoes are dirty. Where is the shoe brush? Can I use the tooth brush and wash it later? Who is gonna know? Where is the house key? If I didn`t bring it inside the house how did I get in? Did I leave a window open? If I left the windows open did the thieves get in before I did? Did they hide under the bed to avoid detection? And slid out of the house when I dozed off? Check if everything is in place….don`t know what is where…but my laptop is safe. They definitely didn`t walk away with the internet connection.
Should I take up dieting? Instead of saying I slept hungry coz there was no food it feels better to say I was dieting. On second thoughts….Is Corn Flakes a good meal for dinner? Maybe for dinner I can have corn flakes with curd. For breakfast it can be had with milk. Wow…a balanced diet.
There are no clean undies to wear. Wear them inside out? Will colleagues know? Not till the boss strips me pants down….and that`s not gonna happen. Some consolation that I am not superman…else dirty undies will show.
When the tomato sauce is over…. pizza goes well with mango pickle. Why do Indians eat pizzas with tomato sauce?
Started drinking a lot of water – drinking out of the pressure cooker helps. All glasses in the sink. Ants on white marble floor make a good sight. But where are they all rushing? What can be the hurry in a bug`s life?
Girl friend busy with boyfriend (which unfortunately isn`t me). She is also out of town, so phone calls are getting costlier. Enough. I am missing my family. Independence comes with a certain amount of problems – wonder if Gandhi & Nehru also felt the same way 10 days after Indian independence?
Day 11, 12, 13, 14 & 15 have been equally good (positive, aren`t I?). In short…I have run out of patience to complete this article…so here it ends.