When this blogger met God

I have always wanted to meet God. Promise. I am not making this up.

I belong to the generation that grew up watching Arun Govil and Deepika together on Television – as Lord Rama and Sita in Ramanand Sagar`s Ramayana – and thus started to associate them with God. If you are as old as I am, you probably remember that Arun Govil and Deepika were hounded with agarbathis, vermillion and aartis wherever they went….but I didn`t go that far. The 10 year old that I was, I just gave them the God status.

As a kid I had asked for a blue colored BSA SLR from God and when he didn`t oblige, I threatened him: “I know you are not God…you are just Arun Govil…so send it to me now…else I will be forced to expose you.”

I didn`t learn my lesson and after a year or so started considering Nitish Bharadwaj (the guy who played Krishna in TV Serial, Mahabharata) as real God.

When Lord Krishna also spurned my advances and didn`t deliver when it mattered most – the selection trials for my school`s volleyball team – I realized Nitish wasn`t God either. All he could do was watch from Bhopal (he was BJP`s candidate from Bhopal) when I didn`t make it to the volleyball team for lack of height.

I remember, I had argued that Lord Krishna was no taller than I was and yet managed to kill Kaliya Nag but it didn`t cut much ice with my Physical Education teacher.

With time, I stopped looking for God. After I started to work, I met a few people who thought they were God…but none good enough to be placed on a pedestal. Some of these people were way up the corporate ladder and could make a difference in my career…so I stayed in touch with them. As for the rest, who cares for the sages when you have the Gods in your pocket?

To cut the long story short, my search for God ended last evening. I met her. Yes, it is a she….why else do you think the onus of proposing to a girl lies on the man?

I was on the way back from my office in Sector 54, Gurgaon when I saw a lady in pure white, flowing robe standing in the middle of the road. I ground my Silky Silver Swift to halt just inches from her, rolled down my windows and shouted: “Don`t tell me you want to die so young?”

“I have no death young man.” Her voice seemed to have an echo that I hadn`t heard anywhere before.

I looked around…there was nobody on the road. Would it be safe to get out of the car now? Was she a bait out there to tempt me…and were some good, old Haryana muscles waiting for me in the bushes?

I looked at the lady again…she was a bomb. I wasn`t surprised. If I were God and was creating myself, why wouldn`t I make myself another John Abraham?

Through my dusty Silky Silver Swift`s window, I could see that she was as pure and pristine as Bipasha Basu. If there were some musclemen behind the bushes, I didn`t care anymore. I knew some of the famous last sentences have been:

  • “Wow, you look pretty.”
  • “You look like an angel, can you help me fly through my fantasy?`
  • “Hey pretty girl, what you doing alone on this lonely road?”
  • “Can you unbutton this thing please?”
  • I got out of the car and pulled her aside (in spite of just escaping my car, she wasn`t shaken at all) and asked: “Who are you…why you standing in the middle of the road?”

    “I am who I am. You have to figure out if I am a messenger of God…or I am God herself?” She said without blinking.

    The street lamp was forming a halo around her head. Her pure white, flowing robe was pushed against her body as Gurgaon`s dry, evening breeze hit her face.

    “Why don`t you hop into my car…I can drop you,” I said. By now my eyes were moist. How could such a Godly beauty be in the middle of the road? I kept staring at her even as the grain of sand that had made my eyes moist went for a swim around my pupil.

    “So, where are you going?” I insisted.

    “I am in search of my best devotee – one man who will consider me his deity.” Her eyes were glazed, and I had a feeling she wasn`t actually looking at me.

    “Does this man stay at any place. Any place nearby?” If the muscle men were hiding behind the bushes, they would have pounced on me by now…so it was going to be a pleasant evening.

    “Anybody can be this man…he just have to show devotion, which I can appreciate,” she said. And added: “Why, even you can be this man!”

    Now, I was scared. Was I getting myself into a problem? Was the pretty lady mad? In all the Hindi movies I had seen – barring Kamal Hassan & Sri Devi starrer ‘Sadma` – none of the mad people were pretty. So, the pretty lady was definitely not mad. Was she into the flesh business – not the butcher kind but the less gory one?

    “See lady, I am married…else would have taken you home. Is there anybody in Gurgaon who can help you for the night?” I asked. I was losing my patience.

    “No place is too small for me and no place is too big – I can stay wherever I want,” she replied this time gazing at the stars.

    Suddenly, everything fell into place. This is exactly the kind of dialogues Arun Govil and Nitish Bhardwaj would reel out in the two epics on Television. This lady was actually God who had come to the World looking for an ardent devotee.

    Without wasting any time I told her about my problems in life and sought her blessings. She said she would have been of more help if I wasn`t married (I guess she was referring to my problems in marriage).

    Having finally seen God, I thought it my responsibility to take her to her home – the nearby Durga Devi temple. I waited in the car till she vanished into the temple, and then went home a satisfied man…for I had finally seen God.

    Note: Today morning, Gurgaon saw its own version of Gitanjali Nagpal. According to Times of India city edition I am holding in my hand, a pretty ex-model was arrested last evening for creating commotion at the Durga Devi temple in Sector 54, Gurgaon. Apparently, when arrested the model was under the influence of drugs.

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    By Jamshed V Rajan

    Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at jv.rajan@gmail.com or message him at +919650080255.

    19 replies on “When this blogger met God”

    haven’t got many comments for this post uploaded on Saturday…and that too a post that i thought was classy. So just testing if the comments function works…

    Comment function still works Jammy. it works as good as ur article. and this one is superb..should get flooded with comments soon hopefully..

    Wrongone…thanks. But dont u think you are overtly optimistic? If leaders like you get optimistic…who will make the parachutes? Didn’t get the connection…well, parachutes were made by pessimists 🙂

    Shravanthi….now you know why RK Laxman was more popular as a cartoonist than some of his better contemporaries…
    He somehow managed to make his cartoons really simple and thus reaching out to more people…

    You could say that I didnt manage that

    PRG…tried Googling AngelDust…here are the best results…pls go thro’ and let m eknow which one you were reffering to:

    1) Angel dusting – the misleading marketing practice of including a minuscule amount of an active ingredient in a cosmetic, nutritional supplement, or food product, insufficient to cause any measurable benefit.

    2)Angel Dust is a power metal band originating from Dortmund, Germany that started off as a typical garage band.

    loved the post a lot..
    bsa-slr was luxury now kids are not satified with latest cars also..
    pappa why did you buy this faltu swift/maruti 800 car ??

    rekha pl start your blog.
    we want to read review of movies
    so many new movies coming up
    i know its difficult with kid but i think u can make it

    NK….I have been saying the same thing butshe refuses to start again. In fact the last time I told her…she said: “Why don’t u take bath on my behalf and I would be able to blog.”

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