When I was the villain – Part 2

That`s when I decided to speak to him. It is always better for a man to talk to a man and solve issues. Men end up looking like fools only when they attempt to talk and resolve issues with a lady.

Don’t understand a thing? Don’t get the context? Well…you are reading part two of a series and looks like you haven’t read the first part. Please read When I was the villain – Part 1 before you proceed any further.

I walked up to him and said: “Rahul, I need to speak to you.”

“Funny, for I thought you are speaking to me,” he replied. He sounded like the typical Management Trainee. I have nothing against MTs…I mean how could somebody have ill feelings towards a person whose designation sounded like ‘Empty” (Did you try saying ‘MT` again?).

“No, alone.” If eyes could kill, I would be serving a 20 year sentence now. And might have turned gay by the 2nd year.

“Great. You can go near the cooler and start talking. You will be alone there.” He let out a chuckle.

We Rajans are known for our patience. In fact, when the Japanese announced World War – II by bombing Chennai in 1940s (this 40s, 50s, 60s option was definitely invented by somebody who forgot the exact dates regularly)…my grand father went under his cot. The patient man that he was, he stayed under his cot for two years. We served him food and toilet paper under the cot.

I culled out all my ancestor`s patience and said: “Rahul, I want to speak to you alone.” If Priya had heard me say the words, she would have thought I was a wild animal. Such was my tone.

Bowing down to the wild animal in me, Rahul accepted to talk to me alone.

Me: “So, you dating that girl?”

Rahul: “Yeah. Why? Is she your sister?”

Me: “No!”

Rahul: “Then why are you sweating?”

Me: “Didn`t take bath today. Also Chennai is hot this time of the year.”

Rahul: “So…what about Priya. Why are you asking me?”

Me: “I can`t talk here. We need to go someplace else.”

Rahul: “Where?”

Me: “My place?”

Rahul: “Will there be shots fired?”

Me: “No!”

Rahul: “Then, let us make it my place. With new furniture and all, I can`t take a duel home.”

Me: “Hmm…how about mine?”

Rahul: “Nope.”

Me: “Can you ensure my safety at your place?

Rahul: “Nope. Can`t do that. My mom bites me sometimes.”

Me: “You son of a bitch!”

Anyway, to cut the long story short…we decided to meet and discuss the issue threadbare at Rahul`s house. I was to meet him at 6 p.m. on Vijayaraghavan Road and he was to lead me for the last mile.

Before I left my house, I strapped a butter knife around my ankles, cello-taped two forks on both my thighs and hung a bottle of Harpic on my hip. When it comes to nauseating a man, nothing is better than Harpic. Half of the men believe it is not the Harpic but the “Can you clean the toilets please,” request from the wife that results in nausea.

In my bag, I also had some mustard seeds which I wanted to use if he chased me in a car. I had seen Noddy use mustard seeds to good effect in one of his shows on Pogo.

As I lifted my right leg to step into his house, the fork attached to my right thigh pierced my skin and I let out an “ammmmaaaa!”

That`s when I first….

Jai Ekta Kapoor!

Part three follows shortly. Would have finished this series today itself…but my daughter`s naming ceremony is scheduled for tomorrow and we need to decorate my house.

Now that you have read Part 2 of the series, why not try When I was the villain – Part 3

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

20 replies on “When I was the villain – Part 2”

LOL!! i liked the Jai Ekta Kapoor part!! actually was predicting the poke when u mentioned the fork was strapped!!!

Daughter naming a?? What are u gonna name her??? Knowing you, and your obsession with the Rajan clan most probably you would name her Raji!! the female version of Rajan!!! Or mebbe name her Raja Alamelu Kannathaal Kumari Aandiapatti Mugilothai Mangeshwari Aathaal Rajan (just to beat the already long name you have!!) Coming to think about it, abbreviated as R.A.K.K.A.M.M.A. Rajan!!! Rakkama Rajan!! Maapi!!! Funky name da!!! hehehehehehe!!!

“Jai Ekta Kapoor!”

your post would’ve definitely qualified for the Ekta Kapoor kind, if only it had read like this

“Thhhhhhaaaaaaattttt’s wwwwwhhhheeeeen I deeeeciiiiiideeeeeed tooooooo speeeeaaaaaak toooooooooooo hiiiiiiim….”

how could you miss the slow motion? 😉

Rajan, could you please tell me how you got hooked to Ekta?
As roopa has mentioned you not only forgot the slow motion… you forgot to detail us on the route… the shops on the way.. how you commuted? If auto did you bargain? kind of stuff…where’s al that?

It is very interesting. Please note…
“…but MY daughter’s naming ceremony is scheduled for tomorrow and WE need to decorate MY house.”

Hmmm… you are still showing signs of SPINUSITIS after all these years. Must be the Rajan in you that’s behind this outbreak.

Macha, Is this story inspired by certain a real life incident that happenned at Tidel Park, Circa 2002? I vaguely recollect you narrating a similar incident( devoid of all the cool masala that you’ve cooked up with);)

Bobby: ha ha ha

We have named her Rhea….goes well with Rajan….try saying “Rhea Rajan”.

regarding ur long name suggestion…wouldnt want her to undergo all the long name troubles I underwent. The most prominent being…my inability to become a daughter…couldn’t write the Medical Entrance coz the form asked me to write my full name but didnt have enough squares

WrongOne: Thanks mate….good to see u become a regular again.

And please don’t partner Bobby…he is a dangerous person…and could mean a lot of harm to gentlemen like you. See what troubles he has been creating for me…

Roopa: Ha ha ha…you have pointed out the two things I cant do on this blog – emphasis for each word and slow motion…

But one has to give it to Ekta to have revolutionalized tele serials…did u know that 90% of the successfull tele serials currently running are from her stable.

Sanaj: Ohh yeah this does have a ending in part three….i myself cant afford to take it to a 4th episode. Might lose out on readers if I continue this madness…. 😉

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