When the toe mattered

It seems happiness of a man depends on the length of his wife`s toe. No, unfortunately..I am not gifted with foot fetish. Blame it on all the smelly feet that I have come across in my good old romantic days.

According to an urban legend if the second toe (one next to the thumb toe) of the wife is longer than the thumb…she would dominate. And if otherwise, man gets to wear pants in the house.

I never believed it. After all, Rekha`s second toe is longer than her thumb but in our house I wear the pants. I am serious. Even as I type this, I am wearing one.

Here is the story of one close friend, who believed in the urban legend…

Praveen Menon was quite a handsome lad. He would attract girls like flies to shit…but he was very choosy. While we were jealous of him, we were also close to him…for we knew that he was our passport to the fairer sex. The girls would get rejected by Praveen…and eventually end up in our laps. Not literally, of course.

A year back, he decided to get married. This is how his Matrimonial Ad in The Hindu read:

Born and bought up in Delhi. Convent educated, BA(Hon), MBA…looking for a bride for permanent matrimony. Girl should be strong and independent, yet should respect family values. She should be 170 cms or taller, with model-like legs, yet be a traditional Indian girl. We are Havyaka Brahmins and the girl should belong to the same Gotra. More importantly, her second toe should be smaller than her thumb toe. Call 98843-97658 to get in touch.

It is not that he did not get any responses. Within 24 hours, he got five calls. But the problem was…each of the five missed out on at least one of the selection criteria. And that was sad.

A week days later, he got a call from a girl`s father. We suggested that he do not take the call seriously, because the very fact that he had been called after a week suggested that he had been the last option.

Whatever we said, Praveen had decided to give it a try. We would come to know later that the girl`s father had withheld one small bit of information, that really mattered – length of the girl`s second toe.

Our man went all the way to KanyaKumari – the southernmost tip of Indian Peninsula to see the girl. She was pretty all right. Was educated…good mannered… great in-laws. Everything that one desperate man could aspire for…she was endowed with. But Praveen would come back empty handed.

When we asked, he said: “But for her longer second toes…she was every bit how I wanted my wife to be.”

Days passed by, more street lamps got fused, the road opposite my house saw a few more accidents, I got into Rekha`s good books (then we were not married), I dropped more coins (and one mobile) into my potty….

Eventually, Praveen Menon would find the girl he liked. One with smaller second toes. Today, he wears the pants in the family. His wife prefers sarees, and sometimes churidhaars.

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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