The bag I take to office

With nothing else to write on, I have chosen a less funny item – the bag that I take to office everyday.

No, I am not going to brag about my laptop bag. Simply because, what I take to office is not a lap top bag.

It is a simple “Trunk & Co” bag…the kind you will find every Tom, Dick and Harry carrying to their office, if they want to feel important.

Now, that doesn`t make me any less important in the affairs of my office. I am perhaps, the second most important guy in my office. The first is the office boy who is responsible for locking and unlocking my office everyday, and then spends the rest of the day sweeping and mopping the granite floor in the President`s office.

Finally, coming back to what I wanted to write about – my bag is blue in color. Don`t ask me why blue…it is Rekha`s favorite color. At least that is what she told me….

In my blue bag, I always carry a magazine and a book. The magazine is the November 2003 issue of Wisden Cricket (I think I had bought the bag around that time)…and the novel is Malayalam Manorama Year Book 2003. Strictly speaking, both are pretty outdated. But, the bag doesn`t look good without these books…they give it a good square-ish frame.

I have two cheque books…with no cheque leaves. Financially, it is autumn for me and all the leaves have fallen. I have some coins that over the last year have been returned by the beggars, because their denomination was just too less.

I have a pen, that Rekha gifted me (supposedly) before we started going out. The pen stopped writing even before we started going out…but I was forced to keep it in my bag because she thought it was of sentimental value. In the last four years I have replaced the pen 5-6 times…every time I lose it..I have to buy a similar looking pen.

I have my access card…yes the same old dog collar. I also have a few one rupee Revenue stamps. You might suspect me to be related to Telgi..but I am not. By the way did you know that after Telgi`s (of the fake stamp paper fame) arrest, the Post Offices have not been able to manage the demand for Revenue stamps. There are no supplies they say. An opportunity for another Telgi to emerge?

Anyways, my blue bag also has one love letter. It was given to me by a girl. No stupid….not for me. She had wanted me to be the messenger. The girl was pretty and the boy was someone I hated…so I never passed on the letter. Today the girl is married to someone else and is pregnant. The guy I hated so much is now eyeing a 19 year old trainee in my office. We call him the pedophile. Shucks…did I just reveal my age?

It has a few mouth-fresheners called Mentos. Whenever I go near Rekha without chewing a Mentos, she finds out that I have smoked. And whenever I chew a Mentos and go near her…she says: ‘Haaa…you had a cigarette and then had a Mentos?”

I have some spoons that I steal from others houses, or my office canteen. I also have one Sify colleagues` undies in my bag. On my last day in Sify, we had gone for a swim…and this guy asked me to keep his clothes in my bag. I did.

After our swim, I forgot to give it back to him…and since it was my last day in Sify..I never went there again. Ever since, I have his undies in my bag. One never knows when it would be time to unload baggage of the past.

I also have my mobile charger. It is the same one that fell into the potty a few days back. The story behind it is being reserved for later publication.

In my blue bag, I also have the keys to my house (actually Rekha`s house), keys to my bike (actually Rekha`s …I have been using her ‘L` Board nailed TVS Scooty)…and keys to the hearts of so many other pretty girls that my new company AIG can afford to recruit.

And more importantly, in my bag I have ……..shit…where did go….now Rekha`s gonna scold me…ohhhh…my God…what am I going to do….

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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