Author: Jamshed V Rajan

I wonder if everybody knows about Orkut. I am told that it is the brain child of Orkut Büyükkökten – a Google employee. Talking of Google…did you know that Amit Agarwal who runs http://labnol.blogspot.com/ has named his son “Google”? Why? Take a wild guess.

Getting back to Orkut – here are some of the silly (and of course exaggerated) self-descriptions (or profiles) I have come across in Orkut or such other communities. You will find my comments in italics.

Seen on Jammy`s profile in Orkut
Know God, and thou shall know me. In short, visit my webpage to find out more about me! www.ouchmytoe.com

(Yeah, right!)

Seen on a 20 something boy`s Orkut Profile
I enjoy college life and blog about events happening in Chennai. I am an introvert waiting for the right extrovert to join me in my life.

(Stop saying the obvious. BTW, heard Mike Tyson is an extrovert. Wanna try?)

Seen on a 30+ man`s Orkut Profile
Ping me if u want to know more.

(As if all the girls in the World were waiting for him to arrive on Orkut. Wonder if he has even received a single ping.)

Seen on a 25+ year old`s Orkut profile
I am a humorous, sociable and outgoing person. My ideology is “Don`t think about the past, but live for today because tomorrow is never promised.”

(Shucks…this copying and pasting facility has reduced us to mere photo copiers. Moreover, it reminds me of the first line in most resumes one comes across: My career`s objective is to rise above all challenges and grow in an esteemed organization like yours.)

Seen on a 20 year old girl`s Orkut profile
I am often accused of being a typical Taurean – stubborn, slow and angry.

(I wonder how based on when they were born, their characteristics could be told? For if that were true…all April born should be great sportsmen like Sachin Tendulkar. Am I he only person who doesn`t understand Lindagoodman`ism or are there others like me with Down`s Syndrome?)

Seen on 100s of girl profiles in Orkut (don`t ask me what I was doing there)
As soon as I know about myself, I will let you know.

(Is this supposed to be smart talk? These girls are the ones that speak for 30 minutes when they are asked to speak about themselves during interviews).

Three months back I had decided to be in Madurai for a wedding on Sep 9 & 10. But on 6th I decided to drop the Madurai trip and attend the BlogCamp instead. After spending two days at the BlogCamp, I have realized that very little differentiates BlogCamp from a marriage.

Goodies for visitors: Had I gone to the marriage in Madurai, I would have got a coconut, a betel leaf, a lemon, some acre nut in a polyethylene bag. At the BlogCamp I got a black bag (with Yahoo written all over it), a Zoho writing pad, a Sulekha India Smiles book, a blue Fuente Systems mug, and a black Fashion IQ T-shirt. Had I known, I would have not booked my tickets at all.

Free Food: The single biggest reason why all marriage halls are crowded is because that`s the time everybody is taking revenge. “Wasn`t he the guy who ate all the rice in my marriage? Let me do the same in his son`s marriage!” Same happened with me at the BlogCamp. I hogged well on both days…which was one of the reasons why I didn`t participate much.

The old and the young: At the un-conference the oldies were congregated at the auditorium discussing strategies, vision and concepts while the young ones were closeted in the conference hall upstairs engaging in hands on experiences. Don`t the marriages also have a set of old relatives who try to match pairs and a set of young cousins who have all the fun?

Gifts: While a few like me walk into a marriage without gifts, most walk into marriages with a gift wrapped in shiny paper. If I were to get a comparison…almost everybody who walked into the un-conference had something or the other on hand which they thought was their gift to the blogging community – a brand to promote, a url to popularize or a presentation to deliver.

Relief: After most marriages the daughter`s father and mother is a relieved couple. No issues. Everything went on smoothly…and I am sure Kiruba and his tea of volunteers would have felt the same at 7 p.m. on Sunday.

Sunil Gavaskar is here. I can see him in blood and flesh. Wow! To see the man who was just about my height and kicked the shit out of the huge West Indian bowlers is a great feel. I have even recorded a few video clips in my mobile and will be sharing itwith my wife.

As soon as the Yahoo guys walked him in, I saw at least 20 cameras aim for him. Made me wonder how he feels about it all. But then, has he been seeing all this for the last 40 years?

After Kiruba introduced him to the crowd (not that he needs introduction) …Gavaskar took his seat in front of the audience…he oozed confidence.

He spoke about how in his days, transistor was the only mode of news gathereing. He also moved on to how the he had to get up early if he had to read the newspaper before his father laid his hand on it..because that meant an hour`s delay. He also assured the 200 odd people here at the BlogCamp that we were living in a good age, where we have the freedom of expression.

He was honest when he said he started reading blogs only in the last ten-15 days. I am still in awe at the man. I also like his confidence…I wonder what kind of homework he did…coz the questions being asked here suggest that the audience ha taken him to be a expert podcaster. I am sure all he is doing is…speaking into a mike…and an tech guy from Yahoo does the rest.

The man spoke about how commentating happens in today`s cricket – how there is a ball-by-ball commentator and how there is a color commentator.

Kiruba is being forced to cut down the questions because Gavaskar needs to leave now. More later.

I really mean it…the biggest open source conference – who said open source as a concept can only be used for software development? – rolled off to a Ferrari like start at 9 a.m..

Podcasting is the easiest way to create original content.

Update: Am thinking of giving regular updates on the Blogcamp India happenings. I don`t have a laptop as yet, so will have to depend on others …and that`s the only limitation. Do check again.

I know a friend who is addicted to alcohol. He says he can`t live without it and I believe him. While I think he needs to join an Alcohol Anonymous club and sort out issues, he doesn`t think so. Wonder why he thinks being an alcohol addict is cool.

I am exactly the opposite. I am happy if you give me a system (with broadband connectivity) and a mouse to click. I love the faint crash of internet pages when they get downloaded onto my system (don`t tell me your computer doesn`t make noise). I love the click of a mouse reverberating through my ‘index meta carpal` (for those who didn`t attempt the PM/PD exam when in school, that would be my index finger bones). I love the heat generated when the mouse ball rolls on the mouse pad. In short, I love clicking.

I am sure you are also an avid clicker. You check mails, read blogs, leave comments, sign-up, download – just about everything that requires you to click. Have you ever wondered how many times you click the mouse in a day? No? Probably because we have come to enjoy it…we are all addicted to clicks.

Does this mean that we will now have Clickers Anonymous, where people like you and me can go and feel welcome? Will we have Clickers Support groups, where those afflicted with withdrawal symptoms (after we quit our jobs) can go and seek solace?

Maybe, www.tamilmatrimony.com will have fields where we will have to choose between “Occasional Clicker” and “Regular Clicker”. Maybe, matrimonials in newspapers will describe the bridegroom or the bride as “a Social Clicker” – a take on the “social drinker” tag which is now the in thing.

An innovative marketer only need look among the IT professionals to find a market for the anti-click patch, which can be stuck on our forearms when we have the urge to click a mouse.

Fathers might start ignoring their families because of click abuse. They might end up beating their wives after coming home after a long session of clicking (at work that is). To stop becoming a click addict, stop clicking now (even if it means not leaving a comment for this post).

According to the latest news bulletin on NDTV, Joe King has been arrested. NDTV`s Barkha Dutt said CBI had detained Joe King and will be questioning him the next three days at an undisclosed location.

Apparently, the whole World was looking for him for long. Besides, premier detective agencies like CIA, MOSSAD, RAW and MI6, common folk were also looking for him. Nobody knew how he looked, but everybody was looking for him. Don`t ask me why they were all looking for him, coz I am still trying to figure out. There is nothing on him, available on the internet yet. Even Wikipedia, which has a page even on the flea that resides under my neighbor`s dog`s tail…doesn`t have anything on Joe King.

I wouldn`t have known that somebody as dangerous existed till I met Leena in Satyam Computers.

When I was first introduced to her, I said: “Hi!”

God knows why, but she also said: “Hi.”

Even as we wondered what to say next, I jumped the gun and said: “I have heard from the rest of the team that you are a good at work.”

She smiled. A few microseconds later she frowned and asked me: You are Joe King?

I was pretty surprised, for I had just then been introduced to her as Jamshed Velayuda Rajan. I maintained a straight face – it is really difficult to not get angry at somebody who forgets your name in a few seconds – and replied: “No Leena, I am not Joe King.”

Having realized her folly, she got defensive and said, “I was just checking,” and left.

Next, I was introduced to Shalini. After regular talk, she said she was from West Bengal, which got me all excited. I had spent three years in West Bengal studying 5th, 6th and 7th – I know it doesn`t sound as swell as saying “I spent three years in Boston studying at the Harvard Business School,” but then who cares. Anyway, I told her that we stayed in Ballygunge Military Camp and I studied at the Ballygunge Kendriya Vidhyalaya.

God knows why she immediately shot back: “You must be Joe King!”

“I said, no…I am not Joe King.” I was put off by her rude behavior and decided not to talk to her.

Over the next few days I heard a lot of people asking me if I was Joe King. It was scary…how could they think I was Joe King, when I was not. Maybe, he looked like me. Maybe, he was my height – 165 cms. Maybe, he was a make-up expert and before I joined …had masqueraded around the Satyam Campus as me. I checked with my boss why everybody was asking me if I was Joe King.

“Aparna, why is everybody asking me if I am Joe King?”

She looked at me for a while. Probably because she didn`t expect to be so direct on such a sensitive issue. She said: “Maybe because in this company full of techies, it is difficult to find somebody who is Joe King.”

Ever since, I have made every attempt to distance myself from Joe King. For a while I sported a mustache, later a goatee …so that people don`t think of Joe King when they see me. But it never helped.

Now that Joe King has been arrested, I can rest in peace. When I called up my wife and told her that my evil look alike – Joe King – has been arrested, she shouted over the phone: “You must be joking!”

I am reading a book called “The Art of Innovation” by Tom Kelly. It takes the different aspects of innovation and explains – complete with real-life examples and case studies. A must read of you want to be different in the way you do things. Quoting the author: “Never be an expert, they always come up with statements like “It has never been done like that before.” Instead be a tinkerer…tinker, learn and do new things”.