If only I had a little humility

I think I would be perfect.

Post Indibloggies nomination, the writer of this blog has changed. To know how, read on.

Regular readers have always known that I was a good looker (courtesy the pic on top right corner). Now, the Indibloggies nomination in the Humor category has proved that I have brains too. Doubt that I am a good looker? Beat this – I got slapped by a lady colleague for looking real good. However, she used the synonym “stare” while talking about the incident to the other colleagues.

I agree that ever since getting nominated for the Indibloggies award, I have only been talking about myself. Let us now talk about you. Are YOU reading my Blog for the first time?

I would be surprised if you were as self obsessive but in my case it is justified. I mean…just look at me (remember…the top right corner of this website). Sometimes, I stare at that photograph of mine and get lost in my own thoughts. Today, while I was at it, I heard a colleague shout at the top of her voice even as she walked past me – “According to BBC`s today morning`s news, Copernicus has proved that the world revolves around the sun.” I didn`t bother to check if she was talking to me.

This is perhaps the right platform to also tell you that every morning I see love bites on my mirror…the intensity has increased after I got nominated for Indibloggies award. If I were you, I would really be alarmed…but since I am not you…no issues. The love bites just mean that I am in love with myself.

I have also become highly opinionated about all those who didn`t get nominated for the Indibloggies award. If you don`t like my opinion of you…you can always work on yourself (and your blog) and improve. Who is stopping you?

In order to maximize my votes and win the coveted title of ‘India`s most popular humor blogger,` I called up my friends to ask them to vote. Some didn`t pick up the phone. Some cut my call. One of them even pretended as if he was a computer and said: “Sorry, all lines in this route are busy. Please try again later.”

As if that was not insulting, a research fellow at IIT (whom I had last called three years back when I hit a deer inside the IIT campus) picked up the call and said: “Hi there! You have reached the NASA control room. To leave a message for Sunita Williams, press 1, to leave a message for the NASA Chief press 2, and for information on the 10th planet spotted recently …press 10.” If I hadn`t spent six minutes looking for number 10 on my mobile, I would have fallen for the trick.

After two hours of trying all my numbers, a good friend picked up the call.

“Hey, I have been nominated for Indibloggies award. Can you please vote for me?”

“Who is this?” This was very uncharacteristic of him. He could recognize my voice even when running 200 meters ahead of me.

“Man…this is Jammy,” I replied in a friendly tone.

“Ohh….Jammmmmmy….you know…the phone number display isn`t working on my mobile.”

“I am glad you picked up my call. None of the other guys picked it up.” When it comes to winning, I think there is nothing better than a sympathy vote.

He didn`t speak for a while. I continued the conversation: “Do you think everybody hates me?”

“Not all…only those who have met you.”

After that I heard a few hellos from the other end and the phone went silent.

Wonder why everybody has been distancing themselves from me after I was nominated for the Indibloggies award. Maybe, I have become an egotist. The silver lining is….I don`t talk of other people. Not even about the other humor bloggers nominated for the Indibloggies award.

Can Ouchmytoe win the Indibloggies award?

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By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at jv.rajan@gmail.com or message him at +919650080255.

16 replies on “If only I had a little humility”

About that pic on the right top corner – well I wanted to disfigure it but mother nature beat me to it. Why fight with nature….
Good one Jammy.

I am voting for you. Three reasons
1) Your blog
2) Your name
3) Your picture
That pin you have used to pin your pic there may come off, and you wont get nominated as the Most Good Looking Blogger. I think you should staple your picture there.Or perhaps, you could tattoo your pic on the blog!

Hey Jammy! Try out this route: Call the others who have been nominated in the same category as you and swap the buddies’ list with them. Try calling the pals of the other contenders and ask them to vote for them. Be a campaigner for the others. This will definitely tick them off more than the contenders’ canvassing for votes themselves. And in sheer disgust over these tricks employed by their buddies, they might decide to vote for you.

Browser: Is Mother Nature like the Mother Superior I had at the KODAI International school? Coz if she is…she sure beats the hell out of me..

Jason: Thanks man…if we had ten more people like you – people who could reason out and act – the world would be a better place. And yes, the world would also have another cricket team (10+ 1 you)

You know why I had to use that pin? I anted to become the pin-up boy!

Uma: Believe it or not I did proxy voting for Rekha. Unlike the non-online voting, this time I didnt have to wear a burkha.

Rabin not psalm: Thats a damn good idea…and awater tight one at that. Just a few holes in the plan-

1) Why would GreatBong.net who has a massive follwing swap his buddy list?
2) Even if he is ready, where is my buddy list? DoI have one?

If we can plug the above given two loop holes we got a water tight plan man…something like a damn!

Nvaeen T S: Thanks man…really appreciate it. You have a uniqe name for yourself…”Nvaeen”. How do you pronounce that?

Naveen T S: Finally…I get your name right. I guess the results will be announced in a month’s time. For it to be in my favour…you have to wait till 2008. I have already started work on my next year’s campaign.

Wrongone: Cant you see from the muscles? Come on man….

*If nothing else you should have atleast taken note of my gluteus maximus!

Gorilla Bananas: Thats not fair man…thats like telling a man…”Hey great bananas…can you give it to me now?”

I am sticking to the banana metaphor so that you understand 😉

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