Why can`t I pee properly?

Man they say was never made for toilets, or is it that toilets were never made for man?

Anyways, here I am not pointing a finger at all the saints who for close to 2-3 minutes give up their Worldly belongings, which more often than not is just some pride and a little bit of shame, and piss on the road side.

I am talking about the guys at home. The innocent one, who cannot even peacefully pee at his house – thanks to all those women who have branded him as a good-for-nothing when it comes to toilets.

Toilets? Yeah, I know there are two types, the Indian & the Western styles. And in this piece we will be briefly touching (not exactly touching) all the types. Sometimes, I wonder if there is a Eastern style of toilets. Perhaps the Japanese have them…but I would never know…

The guys I am talking about are the ones that have atleast two credit cards in their wallet and owe the banks atleast fifty thousand. These are the people who actually work hard (afterall they got to pay back all the bills) and play hard.

Now, the allegation against this breed is that they don`t have toilet manners. I would totally agree, if they said that to me, but haven’t you heard Sandra Bullock telling John Travolta in Look who is Talking that he lacks toilet manners or Sean Connery being chided by Catherine Zeta Jones in Entrapment. And this angers me.

But then, with such high-quality men found wanting in toilet manners, I assume, even George Bush, the most powerful man of the World also leaves his toilet seat up. I say `man` coz if I said `person` where would Mrs Bush fit in?

If there were a reserach on the contribution of a Man in the soiling of a potty, mine would be a classic case.

When I was a kid, my mom censured me for not `shooting` right. She said, the pool of water inside the potty was supposed to be my target. But I never was a great aimsman. And it showed miserably. But if you had asked me then, I would have bet my fat ass that even William Tell would not have got it right.

When I was six, I was a little tall and shooting from the hips came easy. Now, my mother had another set of complaints. She said, I was not flushing. She was right, I was forgetting to flush till I was about twelve years old.

So much so, the room freshners (Odonil is the one we used) were rendered useless. And my sisters, who were well ahead of their times, suggested we use meat-scented air freshners, for they thought only they could make a difference. Now, I hear that such air freshners are on sale HERE.

In a few years, I was in college and worldly wise too. Now, I knew to flush the potty, and was pretty good too. You should see the flamboyance with which I turn the knob. But life has its own ways of balancing. And just when, I was getting even with my mother, my sisters started their bit of complains. They said, I was leaving the toilet seat up.

I tried to reason out with them, telling them that even Bruce Willis does it. It didnot work.

And I saw little reason in fighting it out alone for the whole man-kind. I mean, if the men were not interested in removing the blotch, why should I be concerned. But that does not mean, I put the seat down, I still leave it up.

In fact, sometimes, when I have to avenge something, I don`t aim straight, I dont flush and then leave the seat up! Kinda cute, nahin?


By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at jv.rajan@gmail.com or message him at +919650080255.

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