This website will help you see how good a blog/website you have.
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Visit this page, give your name…and type in your url in the slot provided for the same…and submit.
In a few seconds, a status report on your Blog/webpage will be displayed. The good thing is, they don’t just tell you what is wrong, they even tell how to correct the wrongs. Small things that will help you imrove you site –
Please don’t leave the answer in the Comments Box. You don’t want others to know the answer and walk away with the prize…or do you? Shucks…in that case how would you convey to me that you know the answer? And that throws at us another question…what if everybody says they know the answer but can’t type it out in the comments box because I asked them not to. Life is so goddamn confusing….
Anyways, you guys use your intelligence. Now, why you staring at me….did I say something wrong?
Of late I have been noticing a lot of promotions favoring helmets. There are advertisements shouting out one-liners like –
“Respect your brain. Wear a helmet.”
(What about the brainless? Or for that matter…what about the brain dead?)
“Your head is no coconut. Wear a helmet.”
(Oh My God…what a discovery! And we thought we could make coconut chutney with our heads. “Father, could you lend us your head today…need something to go with the dosa mother is making.”)
Tonight, before hitting the bed,
Go and buy helmet for your head!
(But I never hit the bed. I mean, what wrong has the bed done to me? And even if I hit my bed..it is not like my bed is going to hit me back and I need some safety.)
I wonder if the Road Safety commissioner has a stake in some helmet company. I am dead against wearing helmets. I don`t want that Road Safety Commissioner to get rich.
Moreover, all my relatives and friends know the design on my helmet. And if I wear it and travel on my bike…they would easily identify me. Now, that is not what I want.
And what about that wind-in-the-hair feeling? Gregory Peck never wore a helmet when he took Audrey Hepburn for a ride (on his Vespa) in the movie Roman Holiday. If Gregory and Audrey don`t need it….Rajan and Rekha don`t need it either!
I mean, I would have worn a helmet if I did not like my wife chattering away to kingdom come, when I drive. But I do like it. It might distract me, but still I love it. And with a helmet on…we would not be able to exchange our love-notes.
And lastly, what about all that wildlife that I support by buying a helmet and keeping it safely in one corner of my house. When Rekha last moved my helmet, we saw four scorpions and nine spiders crawl out. Not to mention the three centipedes. If I were to wear my helmet, how would these beings survive? Menaka Gandhi might even slap a case against me!
I say guys….don`t wear helmets. Be a cool dude…and hit the tarmac with a smile on your face. Let roads be remembered by your name. Let people say, “This is the road where that dude crashed his head against the tarmac and died a glorious death.”
*This post is aimed at promoting the usage of helmets.
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed.
— Albert Einstein
The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
— Woody Allen
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
— Steve Martin
The four most important words in any marriage…”I’ll do the dishes.”
— Anonymous
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him.
— Cher
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.
— Erma Bombeck
When we got married I told my wife “If you leave me, I’m going with you. And she never did.
— James Fineous McBride
It’s been so long since I made love,
I can’t even remember who gets tied up.
— Joan Rivers
All marriages are happy. It’s trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.
— Shelley Winters
If I go to Google, and search for ‘Funny` among the web pages in India…this Blog gets thrown up third. Wow. Quite an achievement for this small man (read 165 cms).
For proof that this is not the funniest Blog in India, Click Here
On my Income Tax form it says ‘Check this box if you are blind.’ I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
Tom Lehrer, lecturing in “The Nature of Math”, 4/4/90
After seeing the movie Black, I have realized that our senses are really important. And among all, the ability to see is the most vital.
If eyesight was not important, why would Sanjay Leela Bhansali name his movie Black? If hearing was more important he could have named the movie ‘Silence.` Or if speaking was important, he could have named it ‘Gossip`.
Ironically, it is in this ‘seeing` department that I have a problem. The picture of mine atop the page was taken without my glasses. Perhaps, that`s the reason why I look so natural…I did not see the camera…neither did I know when the flash went off.
I have been wearing glasses ever since I was in class six. Wearing glasses changed my life forever. Now, the girls didn`t seem interested in me. It is only now that it is cool to be sporting a spectacle…in those days…spectacles were death sentences for your love life.
My tragic days in school forced me to become a shayar/poet. Here is my first shayari (written when I was in class Ten)-
Pyaar ke raasthe paar akele hain,
Agar chashma pehenthe hain,
tho ladkiyan dekhthi nahin.
Agar chasma utharthe hain,
Tho ladkiyan dikhti nahin.
When translated to English it means:
I am alone on the road of love,
For when I wear my glasses,
The girls don`t see me.
And when I don`t,
I can`t see the girls.
I being half-blind (without my glasses) have given Rekha an edge in our marital life. After our fights, I always find my spectacles missing…and only after I apologize to Rekha do I get them back.
I remember somebody had once said that for a marriage to be happy, a deaf man needs to marry a blind lady. How true. I would have preferred to be partially deaf instead. How much I wish I could open and shut my ears as I do my eyes. It could have benefited the whole mankind and saved them from the womankind.
Getting back to my poor eye-sight, my problem has reached such a high that today I don`t even see opportunities. Only yesterday, Rekha asked me if she could go to her native for five days. I refused. Only then did I realize that it was a good opportunity for me to be free of all hassles.
“Why me?,” I ask the Lord. There are so many people who have amazing eye-sight. Some are above 60 years old, but can drink straight from the bottle…why do I have to search for my glasses?
 remember reading this long back. So long back, that I am not even sure if I am making this up.
Saif Ali Khan was once asked what he thought of Maduri Dixit`s navel. He said (exact words), “My ambitions are not that high.” No, in this post we are not going to be talking of navels. Instead it is going to be stomach – the ultimate devil that God built in all of us.
I love eating. Especially, on weekends. Rekha (my wife) cooks well, and it is a real treat.
This doesn`t mean that I don`t enjoy hotel food. I love the food I get in the Andhra Mess, near my house. They dump so much on my plate. The only problem with going to that place is, …I start feeling hungry in 2-3 days time.
There is a saying in Iraq: The way to a man`s heart is through his stomach.
But somebody who has always been anti-Iraq (No…not Bush) feels that any woman who thinks the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high. I have no comments on that. For I don`t think there are any nerves connecting a man`s knees to his heart.
Everything said and done, Food is important. When I think of people who can murder for food, my heart goes out to them. I pity them. I mean, it is ok…there is a bottle of Whiskey involved or maybe Rum…but murder for a plate of food? Unthinkable.
Talking of whiskey, there was a time when my father and I were stranded in the Thar Desert…with only food and water. Our stomach would growl…but food and water is all we could ever give. This torture lasted a week and, my father and I have never voted for the Congress since. Actually, we had been invited by Indira Gandhi to inaugurate the Indira Gandhi Irrigation Canal that has made the whole of Rajasthan evergreen.
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Politicians do have a way with the stomach. Before the elections, they aim for a voter`s heart…but after victory, they aim for his/her stomach. I can`t blame the politicians though. They are after all, human beings worried about they own stomach.
BTW, have you heard of the two researchers who have come up with a new discovery, and are in line for the next edition of the Nobel Prize for medicine?
Named Dr. Gastro Garlic and Dr. Dart Fart, they have discovered a new enzyme-secreting-microchip, which when embedded in the stomach of a man/woman (this can be done when a baby is born) will help us break-down and digest all kinds of garbage.
The Indian Govt is already ga-ga over the invention because…they can cut down on garbage containers all over, garbage collection trucks, PWD employees, garbage dumping land etc.
And what do we have to do? When night falls, all families have to meet in the drawing room…. all the garbage in the house will have to be spilled on the floor…and each one has to pick whatever he/she likes and start eating.
But I have a question for those doctors: “Do we do this after dinner…or before dinner?”
If you don`t know this, you are probably young. But the secret of staying young is to lie about your age. For example, I am just 21 years old. I promise.
The good thing about aging is that you don`t have to do anything. Just keep advising and people will notice that you have grown old. By the way, I have no advices for anybody.
Someone once said, the difference between the young and the old is that the young are unaffected by tragedy. How true. Don`t we tend to age when we marry? In a way, age catches up as soon as we have a wife to live with.
Does one become intelligent with age? I am not too sure. I guess, the young fools grow up to become old fools. All that talk of experience (that comes with age) making one sober is bullshit. OK fine…old bullshit.
Despite being fools, most human beings tend to get ‘advisory` when they turn old. No wonder, all those advisory boards that the Govt forms is full of old people – with graying hair, bald heads, wrinkled skin, gnarled hands and legs and an attitude that is best suited for the psychiatrist`s couch.
Does this mean I am anti-old? No way. I just believe in the Chinese tradition of taking the really old to a nearby mountain…place them in a wooden drum with enough supplies to last a week, and then come back. Believe me, it used to happen in China. Makes you wonder, why China is so populated in spite of this practice.
As I said earlier, with age…advice starts flowing. Guess, when they become too old to set a bad example, they start giving good advice.
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Talking of advice, I would say the best way to follow an advice is…do exactly the opposite of what is being said to you. Or better still…if you consider the advice very good, type it in a notepad, take a print out, frame it and hang it on your bathroom wall – one that gets the maximum water splash from the shower.
If you ask me what a good advice would be…I would say …find out what the other person wants to hear and then give him just that. At least, he wont put it up on his bathroom wall.
And why am I advising you? Don`t ask me…I am just worried about the younger generation. On second thoughts…I guess they would also grow up and start worrying about the younger generation.
So what are we trying to say here? Nothing…guess I am just old.