Train-ed Romance

Central Station, Chennai
Train Number: 2601
Train Name: Mangalore Mail
Date & Time: 9 Feb, 8:15 p.m.
Destination: Kannur, Kerala

8.30 p.m.
I have just installed my Reliance data card, and believe me…it lives up to its Kar Lo Duniya Muthi Main line. I am traveling in the train from Chennai to Kannur and on the way responding to Ouchmytoe readers who have left their comments. If this isn`t awesome, what else could be?

8.31 p.m.
Ohhh…wait! There is a there is a pretty lady in seat number 13. I am in seat number 16 – the side upper berth and have a good view of her.

8.40 p.m.
Unfortunately, Rekha keeps calling me and asking questions like: ‘Do you miss me?” for which my replies have to be really measured. I don`t want the pretty lady to know that I am already married. Why should she be deprived of happiness just because Rekha got to me first? Why do men have to marry only once? Women…I can understand. But why men? Which brings us to the question of – what if men married many times and expected women to marry only once…we would need at least 2-3 times more women in this world than there are now. Perhaps, that`s why we are going by the 1:1 ratio.

8.50 p.m.
I notice the pretty lady is a Keralaite. She is talking in Malayalam. The language has never sounded sweeter. What is it with Tamilians and Malayalis? Why do they always fall in love?

9.00 p.m.
Oops! Who is that two-year-old kid sitting next to the pretty lady? Definitely not her son…..because I can see that the kid is wearing a frock, earrings and a bindi. Could she be her daughter? Perhaps. Let me wait till the kid opens her mouth – how will she address the pretty lady? Amma? Mummy? Amme? How long do I have to wait till the kid opens its mouth? Hope I don`t have to wait for five years. I did take that long to speak out for the first time. Some in my family thought I had Down`s syndrome while a few others put warm goat blood on my tongue so that I could talk sooner. I didn`t talk…but shouted because my uncle was standing on my toes. “Ouch my toe,” I remember saying.

9.20 p.m.
The pretty lady picks up water to drink. Hope that`s clean. One can never trust the Railway guys….they can be quite adulterous. I remember this married-with-two-kids station master neighbor of mine who had an affair going on with his colleague. He was quite adulterous.

9.21 p.m.
While tilting her head back to pour water into her gentle throat, she steals a glance at me. Our eyes meet, but I act out a there-is-a-speck-of-dust-in-my-eye thing and start banging on my keyboard. She perhaps thinks I am master software professional. She doesn`t know that I am using MS Word – the most basic of all softwares. While typing, I sometimes pause and look at the dirty fan…sometimes at the chain (the one used to stop the train)…sometimes at the windows…all this to make her feel that I am a great software professional who is coming up with something which would make Yahoo & Google look like also-rans.

9.30 p.m.
I see that she has got up and is correcting her clothes. Wonder why. Hope she isn`t eyeing the TTE. I can see the TTE checking our co-passenger`s tickets.

9.34 p.m.
The TTE leaves. The pretty lady walks towards the washbasin. We are sitting in 3rd AC…and the washrooms are only slightly better than what one would find in 2nd class compartments. But can I warn her? Would I be well within my rights? I hope she doesn`t go into the washrooms. She walks back and is looking at me this very moment. I smile. I can see that she doubts her ability to control herself in front of a handsome man. She just looks down and keeps walking.

9.37 p.m.
I have decided…once her parents sleep, I will get her phone number. Better still Yahoo ID.

9.40 p.m.
Found out that she is also going to Kannur….I had to get down and look at the reservation chart.

9.45 p.m.
They are switching off the lights. Why can`t people sleep with the lights on? I am staring into the dark. Can`t see anything. Wonder if she is also staring into the dark? Something that`s going against me is the fact that I remove my glasses while sleeping.

10 Feb, 10.24 a.m.
Couldn`t her phone number or Yahoo ID. In love with her though. We are reaching Kannur in five minutes.

10 Feb, 10.32 a.m.
We have reached Kannur. Her husband has come to pick her up. Glad I held myself last night – he is huge. Must be 6 feet 4 inches. At least a foot taller than I am.

10 Feb, 10.34 a.m.
Spotted Mr Chandrashekaran Nair – my father in law. He reminds me of my pregnant wife. Will be meeting Rekha in half an hour. Thinking of romantic sentences to say…lies don`t come that easily anymore.

Other Equally Good Reads

# Buffet dinner with ex-colleagues…
# Mirror, mirror on the wall
# Women – somebody TELL ME what they want
# Accepting gifts from relatives
# Inviting friends over

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

27 replies on “Train-ed Romance”

Dear Jammy

Just to say how much I enjoyed this article. What good writing you so kindly share with us! Like a quality author, humoursly you reveal painful truths about us and with wit describe scenes in just the right way with just the right words. What a delight to read!


“There is a there is a pretty lady in seat number 13.”

I think its her seat number that proved unlucky for u.

but.. i don’t beleive u didn’t talk to her at all.. c’mon give us an un-edited, un-Rekhaed version.

What a pity. i have got a tip next time instead of giving a live update of events you should have talked gone and talked to the lady. By the way dont tell me that the lady wasn’t impressed by the way you were working on your laptop :P.

P.S.-> By the way what was the name of the lady.

I could not find “To be continued” at the end. What happened next? If nothing happened, why you gave this built-up. Looks like 2007 “one side” Love Story.

Santosh do u believe that he didnt have a word with seat no. 13?!?
I pity u…
I really wonder what all you would have done to prompt seat no. 13 to initiate a dialouge between u two?

Uma. Had i been him i wouldn’t be playing with laptop but would have tried to play with the kid.

now dont ask why not talk to kid’s mom. the answer is simple.. all the gals ( ladies whereever applicable) love to talk about their future when single, their married life when married ( without kid ) and bout heir kids after getting pregnant.

and FYI i felt pity for the lady and rekha.

Uma Feb 14th, 2007 at 3:03 pm

Santosh do u believe that he didnt have a word with seat no. 13?!?
(I never said that)

I pity u…
(Thanks for pity)

I really wonder what all you would have done to prompt seat no. 13 to initiate a dialouge between u two?

Uma.. I hope the answer are to the point .. now some explanation.

Ans1-> i also felt that he had a chat with Seat No 13 thats y i asked the waht was her name.
Ans2-> I would love to talk to a unmarried lady of my age than a aunty who mother of 2 years or so.

Gayathri: yeah mate…hectic schedule though. Am thankful to the pretty lady…didnt know when the journey ended.

Neil in UK: It is payback time now Neil…if you haven’t already voted then please do. Spread the word…let us do a Ebola Virus here…

But seriously…sincere thanks for your encouraing comments. So are you a firang or an Indian who has changed his name?

Wrongone: 13 has always been unlucky for me. and no…what u read is not the edited version. Believe me…I promise on the kid I saw with the pretty lady. Now, God save the kid.

radhika: I want to but none of the newspapers are willing to take me. I so much want to write…I am ready to do it for free if the newspapers will just carry my blog url.

On second thoughts…why should I do it for free?

Santosh: I cant reveal the lady’s name here…but there is a clue…it was the same as my 12th standard Math teacher. So…you can imagine nothing great. But then, whats in a name? A lady with any other name will look the same!

Shiva: I wish man…there was a sharp ending as it happens in your blog. Had her husband not been six and a half feet tall…I might have had a different story to tell 🙁

Uma: Trust me Miss…I am a honest, chaste man. And such men hide their lack of courage under that garb…

I didnt have a single word with the seat no: 13…ohh wait…I did ask her to switch off the lights.

[…] # 1. About Jamshed Velayuda Rajan # 2. Rekha is pregnant and happy # 3. The Kingfisher Class – Part 1 # 4. A visit to Fan India, Chennai # 5. Married men need mistresses # 6. Getting to know sex thro’ Fashion TV # 7. Different types of fathers in law # 8. When the baby and the mother bond and forget the father # 9. The initial months of pregnancy # 10. Accepting gifts from relatives # 11. # 12. Once inside the Jet Airways # 13. Can somebody tell me what women want # 14. Inviting friends over # 15. Why should you marry the girl you love # 16. Sexual escapades of a married man # 17. Our visit to a gynecologist # 18. Trained Romance # 19. Making full use of the bath tub # 20. The art of swearing unnoticed # 21. Mother in law vs daughter in law # 22. When Rekha and I visited Mocha, Chennai # 23. A married man’s guide to safe and sound staring # 24. Am I a lesbian? # 25. Sex on television # 26. The origin and art of kissing # 27. Why do men always pee in the wrong place? # 28. I think I am pregnant # 29. Ten sentences you will never hear your wife say # 30. Much married, much harried # 31. A fat chance – never call your wife fat # 32. Valentine’s day is over. Phew! # 33. Ten reasons why you need a girl friend # 34. My world is suddenly crowded # 35. The conversation between Osama and Batman […]

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