The real professional hazards

Have you ever tried having a conversation with somebody from the Finance department in your office? Chances are you hated the conversation. If you liked the conversation, chances are you also work for the Finance department. They always end up talking of money.

The Finance people are only slightly better than LIC agents. Robinson and I were very good friends till the time he turned a LIC agent. Now, I hide when I see him approaching. Sometimes he manages to catch up (he used to be a 100m runner in school while I was more of a marathoner) and makes me stare at death in close quarters. When last heard, his wife left him because he always spoke of accidents, theft in houses, burning of shops, losing a limb, losing a job….nothing positive.

While talking of negative things, people working in the Quality Department (QC) are the worst. Throughout their lives they find fault with the work others have done. And they end up doing the same once they go back home.

A typical Quality person while entering his house always say: “And why is this chair in the middle of the house?”

Or perhaps: “Why didn`t anybody plug the gap created by somebody leaving the door ajar?” Didn`t understand? Don`t worry nobody understands QC people.

If there any bunch of professionals who can give the QC people a run for their money…. They are the proof readers. I have worked in newspapers and I can tell you from experience. Employed by the newspaper publishers to spot errors in the articles written by the newspaper`s editorial..just before it goes to print…these men…know how to be picky. Typos, extra full stops and even that occasional extra space do not escape these men.

They carry it to their families, who care too hoots about being spic and span. I still remember a proof reader I worked with when in Indian Express. Legend has it that Balu (as he was affectionately called) sat down and corrected all the mistakes in his son`s answer sheet even though he had scored 100/100. But 100 marks is not the issue here…the issue is…it was a mathematics answer sheet.

There are some other professions equally dangerous –
1) Engine drivers, who have this habit of hooting in the middle of a conversation to attract your attention
2) The Zoo keepers, who have this habit of maintaining an arms distance while conversing.
3) The photographers who try to focus really hard and turn the conversation boring.
4) The dentists, who by the time you finish the conversation leave you with a few teeth less.
5) Gynecologists, who converse with the wives and ask the husbands for money
6) Mathematicians, for whom the art of conversation is one big problem.

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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