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My wife has started complaining. Again.

It was early 2005 and each day I was discovering something new about my newly wedded wife. We had married each other on 8 September, 2004…or was it 10 September, 2004? Now that I have posted this, I will soon find out from the horse`s mouth.

Wife handling can be difficult
A few days before I got married in Anna Poorneshwari temple in Cherrukunnu, Kannur under the watchful eyes of my father in law…many came up to me with their advices. (Read about the marriage here) Here are some of the advices I got.

Advice 1: Being a Tamilian, how can you marry a Malayali? Don`t you know of the famous Tamil proverb…. “kolay ali yeh nambu nalum malayali yeh nambakudadu”…which when translated to English means, “One can trust a murderer but never trust a Malayali.”

Advice 2: Don`t get married. I know a few places we can visit. Thankfully when I expressed my displeasure by questioning what kind of places he meant, the colleague ended up saying: “Pubs, Beaches, Malls…etc”

Advice 3: If it is such a big issue, why don`t you get a washing machine? Or a maid?

Advice 4: Why shouldn`t you age gracefully?

Advice 5: Don`t get married. It is all rosy till you keep meeting for only 2-3 hours a day. Once you get married you will start discovering things about Rekha you didn`t know. Things she has successfully hidden from you all this while. Get a good pet instead.

Advisor 5 was very right. I started discovering new things about Rekha. Things she had managed to successfully hide from me. In fact, on the day of our marriage I came to know that she loved vegetables more than she loved me. Even as I walked into the honeymoon suite, she blurted out: “Rajan, will you show me the nearest vegetable vendor here.” I was a bit disappointed but didn`t say much. The next day I wrote a blog post: How I bought vegetables for a heavy price.

A few nights sleeping with my wife (that`s legal I hope!) I realized that there is no space called MY PRIVATE SPACE in marriage. Rekha is the ‘Rolling Stone` type of sleeper. As in, she rolls on the bed and pushes the other occupants down. The double bed that was all my own suddenly wasn`t mine. To tell you the truth, on our first night itself I was pushed down from the bed and it was embarrassing to walk out of the bedroom next day with an injured forehead and blue eye. Especially because 19 relatives of ours were staring at the door, when I opened it and walked out sheepishly. That`s when I wrote a post titled: I hate to sleep with my wife.

After a few more days, I came to know that my new wife doesn`t know to cook and thus doesn`t like visiting the kitchen. This became another blog post titled Kitchen…. place to rule.

With time I realized that unlike me Rekha liked to be outside of home, so my transportation costs were bound to go up. Since she loved to travel, many a times she wouldn`t be home and when she wasn`t home I was to ensure her wish list got implemented (Read about her wish list here). We had never discussed this before marriage.

If you are married, you have probably realized that women can be dangerous when they want to be. Rekha gets dangerous and exploitative during dinner time…and that`s when her most outlandish requests like “Shall we drive down to Jaipur?” “Shall we buy a dressing table tomorrow?” “Shall we go to watch Hero No. 1?” surface. Around this time I tried to warn other men by writing a post titled: Watch out for dinner time.

A month after marriage I noticed that my towels weren`t to be found where I left them. When I raised the issue with Rekha, it backfired and I was accused of being next to Satan – cleanliness being next only to God. From my washroom habits, to eating habits to wardrobe management…everything underwent a dramatic change. That`s when an exasperated me wrote a blog post titled: Cleanliness, my foot!

Let me warn you, some of the things you will discover in your wife will be apparent. But some, you will have to figure out. Like how I used all my Sherlock Holmes genes to find out that my wife was spying on me. In the first six months she would call me four times daily to check what I was doing. Like the gullible males that we all are, I thought it was her love for me till the time I found out she was keeping a tab on her handsome husband. As if girls were registering online & then lining up for a kiss from me. That`s when I wrote Check-mate over the phone.

Over the next two years this blog saw many posts on her – some good and some bad…but all posted under Category Wife & Category My Family & In-Laws.

In the last two years, Rekha related posts have dried down. Perhaps because a new focus area has entered my life – my daughter Rhea. Or perhaps, I have discovered everything I have had to discover about Rekha….and now our personalities fit each other like a jigsaw-puzzle.

So why are we talking about this now? Because only one hour back my wife complained that I had stopped writing about her on Ouchmytoe. What do I do now? Do I start writing about Rekha all over again? Need your advice. This time, I promise I will stick to the advice I get.

Other Funny Reads

Flirt with controversy but never marry her
Now Rekha and I fight for different reasons
Rekha is no longer my better half!
Mother in law vs daughter in law
Home alone for Jammy

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