Blast from the past

You have either landed here for the first time today…or you have been reading my crap since kingdom come. Whatever be the case, you probably wonder what sort of guy would write such crazy stuff.

If I were you…I would wonder. If I have still not managed to create a curiosity, chances are you are pretty crazy yourself.

Here are a collection of pictures taken with my knowledge when the party was on – way back in 2004 B.C.

The others who attended the party are doing well today – some with Sify, some with Xansa technologies and some with Google India. BTW, I am the bespectacled guy in a grey kurta…. View Slideshow

(If you have bad download speeds, click on the link and give the pictures some time to download)

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Tomorrow, I will be driving my car to office for the 15th time. Quite a landmark. Rekha and I celebrated the anniversary today with mint flavored ice-cream at Move ‘n Pick. I had a spoonful while Rekha managed to get two spoonfuls out of the cups left by those using the table before we walked in.

The first two days of me taking the car to office saw me knocking down one pillar, two dust-bins and one Project Manager. The company`s Administrative dept has deducted Rs 4500/- as the cost towards reconstruction of the pillar, the Corporate Communication department has taken away Rs 100 as cost towards the knocked around dust-bins (don`t ask me why they are interested in the dust-bins). The HR is yet to get in touch with me regarding the Project Manager I had hit.

During the last 15 days that I have been taking the car…I have been taking the same road. Daily, at one point, a girl waves at the car and gets in. She has been doing it for the last 10 days …and I wouldn`t really be telling you this if she were a good girl. She seems anything but a good coz she tried to flirt with me a few days back. Like the good boy that I am I have spurned her advances.

Even today, I tried to avoid her but as soon as my car reached the usual place, she flagged the car down and got in. Sometimes, I wonder who is in control – I or the pretty girl trying to flag the car down.

I decided to share this news with my wife Rekha. I knew she would never believe that a girl was after me. If I had told her before marriage, she would have probably believed but not now. I decided to tell Rekha in the morning. That`s the best time to bring forth sensitive topics because she has a bus to catch at 8.20 a.m. – little time to argue, censure and scold.

Flash Forward (Morning)

I was standing in front of our six feet mirror (though one foot is never used because both of us are 5 feet 4 inch) and sewing my shirt button which had come off. Now-a-days wives don`t stitch their husband`s shirt buttons…though the Hindi movies continue to mislead the bachelors.

I could see Rekha in the mirror. This was the right time to bring forth the topic. But was she close enough for me to tell her that a girl who was getting into my car daily was trying to seduce me? Would she understand? Was she close enough to believe me?

That`s when I saw a God sent message. On my mirror was written: “Objects in the mirror are closer than you think they are.” At that moment I knew I could bare my heart to her. She would understand. To know how our conversation progressed, you will have to visit Ouchmytoe sometime later.

As of now my only worry is – did the guy who sold me the six feet mirror steal this huge truck‘s rear view mirror?


Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, and lessens the frictions of social contacts.
– Clare Booth Luce

(Now you know why I lie so much)

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not ‘Eureka!’ (I found it!) but ‘That’s funny …’
– Isaac Asimov

(Like when I turned into a cannibal for a day and ate a clown and exclaimed, “That`s funny!”)

Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There’s just too much fraternizing with the enemy.
– Henry Kissinger

(Now you know why nobody wins at my home)

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
– George Burns

(Makes you wonder why George Bush`s saloon didn`t break-even)

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
– Abraham Lincoln

(I am not the only confused soul in town)

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.
-Dudley Moore

(Looks like the cops the World over are like those we find in India)

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
– Groucho Marx

(I am glad he died in 1977, else he would have said the same for my proposed book)

Update: Thirty minutes after I put up these quotes on Ouchmytoe, a gentleman mailed me. He asked: “So, where do you get such nice quotes from?”

I replied: “You know…times have changed. It is hard to get good quotes these days. So, I end up making them up myself!”

The gentleman is yet to reply. Wonder why.

Podcast: Today’s News Headlines

(Actually that`s a lie. This podcast was done from the news headlines of 24 June, 2006)

The headlines talk about seven hardcore terrorists who wanted to attack the 103-storey Sears Tower in Chicago, the Iranian nuclear bomb case, US Government tracking your bank deals, Google Earth, Nicole Kidman and Andre Agassi – yes…we are referring to Steffi Graf’s husband!

Click Here to listen to the podcast. Due to a tech glitch which I am not able to overcome, you will be taken to the home of all podcasts and thus will have to choose THE ONE. Apologies.

In my next podcast, I plan to write a rap song and sing it too. Before I embark on this mis-adventure I want to know if you will want to hear me sing. If yes, please leave a comment.  


The Chennai Blogger’s Meet

Ascendas in Taramani, Chennai is a great place to hangout. For little kids that is. That is precisely what happened at the 769th Chennai Blogger`s meet which took off like a dud…oops…scud at 3 p.m. on June 24 at the IT Park.

After more than ten years I was spending time with college & school students. Gosh…the very definition of ‘attitude`, ‘fashion`, ‘girls` etc have changed since I left college. Especially girls. When we were students girls were not as talkative, and we always held the upper hand. OK fine, the prettiest girl in my class was called Upper Menon…and we always held the Upper hand.

Relevant Links

  • Write up & one-line profiles on The Dreamy Dryad
  • Blog Meet’s Concluding note on GAPP
  • 15 odd pics on GAPP
  • Pics with funny captions
  • The youngest in the Blog Meet were two girls who had just finished their 12th grade. Trusting my math to be good, I tried calculating and came to the conclusion that if after finishing my 12th grade, I had started afresh from the 1st grade…I would have completed my 12th grade (second time over) with the girls being mentioned.

    There were pretty girls, alright but unfortunately this father figure had also taken along the mother figure. You could blame my decision to bring along Rekha on the there-will-be-no-girls-this-time-too school of thought.

    The good thing to come out of the meet was getting Kiruba to spend. Legend has it (and this could be a flawed legend) that he has never spent money on men. Yesterday he paid for my mango juice – the first time in 43 years of his existence, that he had spent money on a man.

    The group really believed in the adage ‘Silence is Golden` for out of the three hours we spent there, we were silent for at least one hour. In an attempt to address this silence, somebody suggested that we list out our favorite blog urls. In what turned to out to be shocking surprise for everybody – seemed to be everybody`s favorite. Everybody swore by its humorous content and went ga ga over the owner of the blog (which incidentally happens to me me).

    As soon as we got into the car, Rekha said: “I know what you are thinking. The extra page views you are going to get?”

    I just gave her a sheepish smile, before trying to recall what my driving instructor had taught me…CBA… C for Clutch, B for Brake and A for accelerator.

    Some pictures –



















    A dream and an inbox

    This post is a result of a dream I had while sleeping in office. Since I can`t force you to sleep in your office and dream my dream, I am being forced to present my Gmail account inbox as it appeared in my dream.

    Please keep your eyes open for you will see not so obvious hints on how I want my life to be. I know it is quite a dream, but with your blessings I just might achieve it.

    If your question is, “How can I make your dream come true?”
    The answer is: “Keep Visiting Ouchmytoe!”

    Click Here to view my Gmail Inbox

    Heard of Veni, Vidi, Vici?

    That`s the famous Latin phrase coined by Roman General Julius Caesar after one of his many victories. When translated in English it means “I came, I saw, I conquered.” How melodramatic.

    Recently I came across a funny take on Veni, Vidi, Vici. It read – Volvo, Video, Velcro.

    Volvo = I came
    Video = I saw
    Velcro = I stuck

    Found it funny? I did!

    Now I have the license to kill, literally

    Now I am a proud owner of a four-wheeler driving license. It has not been easy. If you remember I had started taking driving lessons way back in March 2006 A.D.

    Today morning I got up at 4.30 a.m. and took bath – I never miss bathing on big days. By 5.00 a.m. Rekha and I were having tea even as we deliberated on how to tackle the Regional Traffic Officer (I hope that`s what RTO means….I would be damned if RTO meant ‘Rarely Tolerable Officer`) of Kottivakkam, Chennai.

    Even as Rekha and I sat on our bean bags and sipped at the tea, massive preparations were going on in our respective houses in Kannur, Kerala and Madurai, Tamil Nadu.

    In Kerala, Rekha`s father was serving tea to hundreds of devotees who throng the Annalakshmi temple early in the morning. He also planned to provide free lunch to all those who landed at the temple. But I wonder if he continued as planned after I called him up well before lunch time and said that I had got the license.

    Meanwhile, my family members in Madurai were sacrificing a goat at the big Ayyanar temple near my house. Ayyanar is the lord who is supposed to protect the village/town/city from evil intruders. Though, I am yet to know what Ayyanar was doing when a dreaded terrorist entered Madurai in the guise of a potter.

    Even as the two families prayed, I bade farewell to my wife – Rekha. She insisted that she take an aarti which was followed by scenes of hugging and wishing luck. For a moment I thought I was Adolf Hitler embarking on a “Take-on-the-world” mission.

    As I walked out of the house at 7.00 a.m., I called up the driver I had ‘charted` for the assignment.

    I know we can chart only airplanes, busses, trains etc…and not drivers. I say ‘charted` for a reason – whenever I tried to reach my driver over the phone he said: “I am in a meeting can you call me later.” Whenever I went to the driver`s house, his secretary (who works out of his home) would say he wasn`t in yet. After many futile attempts, I decided to leave a message for him.

    Since he had been driving for me for the last two months, I knew that he couldn`t see small objects like bicycles, cars, vans etc…and that`s why I decided to make sure that he read the message I left for him. I bought a ‘chart` and a marker-pen and left a message outside his house. Now you understand ‘charted`, don`t you?

    By 8 a.m. we were right in front of the RTO office. I wonder if the RTOs have any office timings. Do they have time-sheets to fill at the end of the day? This dude walked in at 11 a.m. (and we had been waiting there since 8.00 a.m. practicing the moves).

    My driving school instructor – the man I respected so much – was stripped naked by RTO for silly things. The authority our instructor showed on us during the classes was not to be seen here. He was as meek before the RTO as I was before him when I had pulled up the car`s hand brake instead of changing gears.

    After acting like a dolphin for five minutes (I was following the RTO`s orders while driving) the RTO asked me to stop the vehicle. I got out and looked at his expression. Did I pass? The smirk slowly turned into a smile…and I knew I had the license to kill. Phew!

    When I called up my mother at 1 p.m. to tell her, she said: “Can you call back in 20 minutes…we are all having lunch. Guess what -the goat we sacrificed in the morning is tasty!”