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There was a time when men chose between a wife and a washing machine. I myself, when young would joke about how I intended to marry early because I did not like washing clothes.

I hated Surf washing power and the blue colored Rin detergent because they made my hand rough. Washing also meant, identifying the dirty clothes thrown all over my room from the cleaner ones that were left on the bed. Once the clothes to be washed were identified, I needed to fill a bucket with water clean enough to clean the clothes. The washing powder had to be thrown in the bucket and given a nice whirlwind tour of the bucket`s insides. And then, I had to soak the clothes in the solution.

Technically, I had to wash the clothes after 30 minutes of soaking. But that never happened. So much so, there were times when I washed after one week. It made a lot of sense, because the toughest of strains would vanish. In-your-face colors would lighten up and seem refreshing. A cotton shirt that once went through a seven-day treatment is today being used as a vest.

Washing was so much of detest that when two visitors came to my house one day and said: “If only you agree, Jesus Christ can give you eternal life.”

I said: “That is fine. I Don`t think I can stand it.”

If you are young and unmarried, you probably think you could get married and solve all your washing and drying problems. You are highly mistaken…maybe yes…if you were a girl…then you do solve all those problems. But if you are a guy, you will end up washing her clothes too. And when the kid comes, the Little Master`s shitty attire will also be cleansed by your highness.

But, I have always thought that it is the women who should be doing the washing. If the women folks get pretty upset, the men could offer to do the ironing…that way we could iron out the differences.

Rekha and I have been married for the last 98 days, and that is time enough for the lady of the house to shift the washing responsibilities on able shoulders – like those of mine. Though I carry out the duties bestowed on me by Her Majesty, I still believe it is the women who should do the washing.

Even Darwinian Theory of Evolution points to the same. Why do you think women have smaller feet? The answer is simple…. because it helps them stand closer to the washing machine while dropping in the clothes!

http://www.wibsite.com/wiblog/dull

This is probably the dullest blog in the whole universe. Click on the link above, and I can assure you…you won’t be disappointed! Also, check out the comments he has got!

This is a ‘quote` special. The whole article has been done using quotes by famous personalities. See if you like it…if you don`t it probably means you are not a well-read person. Rekha did not like it.

-X-X-X-

A 73-year old Helen Hayes once said, “The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy”. I wonder if she got married when she was just ten. If not, why was her life so tough when she was just ten?

Anyways, would not force Ms Hayes to reveal the secret. Because I know toughness brings out the true character and value in a person. Even Rekha, the epitome of toughness, believes in what the absent-minded Albert Einstein said before walking his way: “Try not to become a man of success, but rather, try to become a man of value.” I wonder why should ‘values` be restricted to just the men?

Rekha thinks, if I go out and slog like a dog and bring home loads of money…I would become a man of value? Maybe. Maybe not. One can never be sure, because some women can keep secrets and they need to be left untouched. Hadn`t Oscar Wilde, after spending 35 years with his wife, ended up saying: “Woman are meant to be loved, not to be understood”.

All would have been fine, if only I had a happy married life. But Rekha doesn`t entertain my advances. Does that mean she also believes in what the cranky novelist Mark Twain once said: “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”

And since, I am not a Gandhian…I threw Mahatma Gandhi`s belief that “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind” to the winds and started admonishing her for her advances. Well, almost.

With little happening between us, I can now feel Rekha restricting my food intake. To top it, her cooking ensures that I am on a strict diet. It is probably, the reason why I am losing my paunch after marriage. One instance that questions the very foundation of Bob Hope`s view that “Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” With a little more coordination, Rekha and I could prove Bob Hope terribly wrong.

Perhaps it is time for me to tell Rekha about this person called Zsa Zsa Gabor. The sex symbol of the 60s had once said: “Husbands are like fires – they go out when unattended.”

But can I quote Zsa Zsa Gabor to Rekha? Maybe not…for Alfred Hitchcock had some time back said “TV has brought murder back to where it belongs – the home.” And I have a TV at home.

My wife is not feeling well. Some evil eye she thinks – wonder what it could be. What was it with Rekha, that somebody found reason enough to be jealous? Beats me.

Wonder if I was the reason for jealousy. And if that is the case, I think the person who cast the evil eye has to be lady.

And if she is a lady, do I know her? Yes, I got to because both our lives are over-lapped (now you know why I crib so much). And the only lady both of us know is our maid servant!

Could she be jealous of Rekha because she has me? Maybe. Just maybe. Does this make me a smart/handsome guy? Or has the maid servant seen me wash the dishes, iron Rekha’s clothes, and make chappaties? Beats me!

Rekha is not feeling well…and didnot feel like writing about her.

If you are married, you probably don`t sleep. And if you do manage to, you are probably pinched all night on your inner thigh (ouch, that hurt!) to keep you awake because when you sleep, you snore and that keeps your wife awake.

In the first month of our marriage, I wouldn`t walk properly in the mornings. My inner thighs were sore with red pinch-marks.

Confused? Don`t be. It is simple logic. Men snore and agree. Women snore, but don`t agree and make a big fuss about their husband`s orchestra.

In the initial days of our marriage Rekha would not disturb me, and I would have a real sound sleep. Most satisfied men tend to snore and I guess my high-decibel activity did not go well with my wife. Whenever it reached a crescendo, she would pinch and wake me up, and the decibel levels would come down. The whole cycle would repeat itself soon enough.

I snore. Priya, Nivedita, Rajalakshmi, Geeta and Pratima are testimony to it (Names have been changed to ensure privacy of these pretty girls). Once, our deaf and half-dead neighbor also complained. On second thoughts, Rekha has also warned me about it.

She had said: “Guess what, I did not sleep the whole of last night.”

“I knew it! You were watching a movie without me!” I exclaimed.

“No stupid. You kept snoring and the whole night and I felt I was at The Phantom of the Opera.”

“Hoo…cool. That`s a nice show.” I try to dodge her barbs.

“I know, but cannot you bring down the volume? She asks..or rather pleads.

“Sure I will,” I say even though I had wanted to say: “Sure…honey, But I am not able to reach for the snore-volume knob…could you please help me out.”

Sleeplessness can drive people crazy. Before the first month of our marriage came to an end, Rekha had started acting crazy.

She visited a local homeopath to buy a snore-remover medicine. It looked like coarse sand..actually I can swear in any court that it WAS actually sand, used in construction works. The homeopath had charged Rs 200 and given 20 grams of sand to Rekha.

The instructions were simple, I was supposed to mix sand in neem juice and gulp it down. Little did Rekha knew that sand doesn`t mix in neem juice, but that did not stop her from pouring it down my food pipe. I cried hoarse, but my wife who had full faith in the homeopath conman, would not believe me.

Last week, I had my fifth snore-stopping medicine – the residue of a dirty burnt-out handkerchief mixed with curd with a dash of turmeric. Whatever happened to common sense?

The good thing is, now that Rekha is at fault (five of her medicines failed to take affect), I can snore at will.

Now, that`s something not all husbands have the privilege of!

Requested by Trioptikos @ 09:20 pm | Dec 6th 2004
Topic Suggested: What about the connection between full-moon, madness, love and werewolves?
Mail Id: None
Blog: http://idiosyncrasy.rediffblogs.com/

A friend of mine once said his girl friend broke up with him because he compared her face to that of the full moon. Incidentally, she happened to be an astronomer`s daughter and knew about the craters on the moon.

I advised the guy to approach her again and speak about the passionate love that he has for her. He was actually madly, truly in love with her. But she being an astronomer`s daughter could see things only through a telescope. And that would mean maintaining a distance…

But after they parted ways, both became restless. The girl would go to her father`s observatory, turn his telescope a little, aim it on her boyfriend and watch his activities. A voyeur, if you know what I mean.

My friend`s love for the girl resulted in he becoming mad. And over a period of time he graduated to being a werewolf. If it were a full moon day, I could guarantee the death of some girl in the vicinity. We weren`t quite sure if he was the guy doing the killing…but he did come home with wet-trousers. We gathered he would gain consciousness as soon as he committed the murder.

He became the butt end of jokes among we friends. But he did not bother. If he were wearing nice clothes, we would call him wear-wolf. And if he were missing, we would ask “Where-wolf?”

Once, we were even introduced to his cousins what-wolves and when-wolves. We loved talking to them and learning about their experiences.

All this happened long time ago when the World believed in the existence of werewolves (actually, a movie called ‘Legend of the Werewolf` had just released and everybody was kicked about the stupid movie).

I hope my friend is still alive and happy with his ladylove. And I also hope, he doesn`t eat garlic…coz if he is…I am sure…his bark would be worse that his bite!