Ouchmytoe.com

Right at the outset we are sorry for being late in having our marriage pics up on the site. Apologies. Apologies. Apologies.

On the right you see the couple in all the gladiatorial-glory. All decked up for what would be a life full of fun and sacrifices!

On Sept 8 (the day of our marriage) the photo-ops were many and there were atleast 4-5 cameras and two video-cameras. That is if we do not include the Handycams brought in by NDTV, Aaj Tak and Headlines Today. As a result, there could be a few snaps where the smile is fake. But I can assure you, those lines on the my forehead are real.

Now for picture time. Each pic comes with an explanation….

The Moment: This pic was snapped a few seconds after I had tied the three knots. You can see Rekha’s father giving her hand to me. Notice that he is trying to supress his tears. The same is the case with Rekha, who is very attached to her father. All the while, I am happy and gay.

The Big Family: Now we are a big family (in this pic Rekha and I are with our parents)…just that we cannot talk to each other as yet. My parents need to learn Malayalam and her’s Tamil. Otherwise, communication is restricted to ‘Talayalam’. Little talk, little problems – a blessing in disguise?

Rekha’s Moment: A very happy mother and a concerned father. A relieved yet okie-dokie parents. Will my daughter be happy with this bugger, seems to ask Mr Chandrashekaran Nair – my father-in-law.

Rajan’s Moment: I am surprised. I am with my parents after marriage and am not smiling. What could be the reason? I wonder. Was I already planning out the honeymoon details?

My Sisters Under Spotlight: “That’s my Bhabhi and I will stand next to her”…there was a fight and Deepa being the elder of the two won. Sumathy got to stand next to her. All this even as my brother-in-law Murugan sneaks in beside me.

Special Saudi Spice: Sudhir chettan & Rema chechi are lawyers and here have forgotten their black coat. For a change…they are were in the witness box. The baby, who is upset with both NDTV & Aaj Tak for being mis-quoted, and hence refusing to face the camera, is Anupam.

From The Land of Pepper: Balan uncle & Lakshmi aunty are Sudhir chettan’s parents. Oh…you should never go to their house if you cannot eat one goat by yourself – that is how much love and food that they will give you.

Signing Off: This was the last picture we posed for at Sri Annapoorneshwari temple – the venue for our marriage. Of course, God willing.. (and our family photographer willing) you will see many more such snaps on this website.

Ever tried going to the vegetable market with your wife? I did. And I should tell you that it was not worth the money, time and energy spent. The whole idea sucks.

“Hope you have taken the money,” she asks even before I am aware that I am being taken to the market.

“Money for what?,” an innocent me questions.

She just gives me a look and points in the direction of the market. This gesture when translated from the women-only language to English means ‘I want you to come with me to the vegetable market and don`t even try to wriggle out because I am already upset with you.`

Being the domesticated man that I am, I follow her orders. In a short while, I am in the bustling market. I don`t know when, but somehow the cloth bag that Rekha was carrying has changed hands.

I stop at the counter potatoes, my favorite vegetable. But Rekha pulls me away. “Potatoes make me look fat,” she says.

“Sure,” a docile me agrees.

In the next 15 minutes I will learn that Rekha does not like carrots, tomatoes, oranges, papaya and pumpkin because they are yellow in color. When asked why, she says “I am not THAT type.”

I could imagine she not wearing a yellow shirt…but not having yellow vegetables? Ridiculous.

Soon, I would also find out that she was bad in buying vegetables. She did not know to pick the ‘freshest` lady`s fingers, the most flexible drumstick and the healthiest coconut.

A weakness in Rekha has always excited and made me happy. More often that not, I have also gained in confidence. Unable to hold back when an opportunity was offering itself, I shot at her, “Looks like you are very bad at selection.”

She gave me a long piercing look and said: “YEAH.” I am not too sure if she was referring to the vegetables. 🙁

A conversation between Sourav Ganguly and Adam Gilchrist after the last day`s play in the 2nd Test (in Chennai) was washed out. I have to warn you that it is not at all imaginative…and is really stupid.

Index: SG: Sourav Ganguly; AG: Adam Gilchrist.

SG: We missed a golden chance to equal the series.

AG: Yeah, we too missed a golden chance to go up 2-0 in the series.

SG: No, you did not.

AG: Yes, we did.

SG: On second thoughts, maybe you did. Our batsmen were tired, Warne was hitting the bull and it was a crumbling pitch.

AG: Actually, I would say, you had a better chance. I mean …with 10 wickets in hand and only 210 runs to get. If that`s not easy, then what is?

SG: Am confused.

AG: Why?

SG: Was it good that it rained? Or was it bad?

AG: I don`t care as long as I get an extra day`s break. They did not cut 20 % from our salaries. What about you?

SG: No idea yet. In India, we go to the ATM only between the 30th to the 5th of next month and withdraw all the money.

AG: What is an ATM?

SG: Don`t you have them in Australia? In India we have these steel boxes on street corners, inside which one guy sits and gives you the amount you want…that is after we prove our identity with your ATM card.

AG: Wow mate. We don`t have anything like this. We have something that we call Bank Cash Machines.

SG: We don`t have them here.

AG: Maybe coz, you don`t have the technology yet.

SG: Maybe.

Any day, I would prefer Vodka to tea or coffee. But since, they don`t allow liquor in my office, I take tea breaks.

Being content with tea doesn`t mean that I like it. No grudge against all those thousands of malayalee tea-walas who have single-handedly taken over the profession from the locals, but I don`t seem to like the beverage.

Talking of the Malayalee dominance in the tea industry takes my breath away. While Kerala contributes less than 1 per cent of the tea production in India, more than 90 per cent of the tea makers are Malayalees. Legend has it that when Neil Armstrong became the first man to land on the moon in 1969, a Malayalee, with familiar sounding words, “Chetta chaya”, thrust a cup of tea in his face.

Guess I am in the wrong country. Russia or Ukraine would have been a better bet for the vodka lover in me.

From my mother, to my sisters, to Rekha…everyone has tried to make the tea taste good. But somehow their efforts have failed to impress me. From milk, sugar, cardamom, cinnamon, red chilli, lemon, rum, blah, blah, blah…everything has been tried but every concoction lacked the killer punch.

Besides, there are all these fancy names which fail to register, leave alone make sense.
1) Ginger lemon tea
2) Lemon themed tea
3) Mint & lemon tea
4) Stash Moroccan mint green tea
5) French mint tea
6) Hibiscus mint tea

Now you know why I still prefer vodka to the home brewed stuff.

I am not the selfish type, but there are some things that a man cannot compromise with. His bed, for example.

I have been sleeping in my bed alone for the past 29 years, and all of a sudden a bunch of geriatrics (read elders) arrange (?!) for somebody to sleep with me for the next 40-50 years. At least, I am lucky I have known the person for 4 years now. Think about all those who meet their wives for the first time a few seconds before the knot is tied. Guess, once the knot is tied, their lives would be tied in knots.

Everyday, I wake up…I go “Gee…who is THIS?” And the next second I realize its my wife – the only lady in my life for the next 40-50 years. The thought itself is scary. She is the only lady I am ever going to kiss…ever going to touch. Of course, this holds true only if I stick to the guidelines laid out by our jealous forefathers and strictly followed by the girl I am left with.

If you thought finding somebody asleep on your bed was scary shit…you should wait till they get up. It seems I should not be sleeping after 6.30 a.m. The Gods would be upset, she says. For Gods sake, why should I be worried about what is good for Gods and what is not. I mean, shouldn`t I be worried about myself?

After I force myself out of the bed, this so-called-very-methodical-person folds the bed sheets and keeps them at the foot of the bed. Pathetic. Why would anybody want to mess with a nice, inviting, crumbled bed? Sans logic. But then, that`s marriage I guess.