Author: Jamshed V Rajan

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The year was 2003 A.D. The characters were the Hero (let us call him Rahul, since all heros have that name), the Heroine (let us call her Priya, since all heroines ..whatever blah) and the Villain (let us call him…well…Jammy).

Those were the innocent days. Days when you didn`t talk dirty to ladies unless it was on Yahoo chat and the asl was 23, F, US. The talk was dirtier if it was a guy pretending to be sex-starved lady from North Americas.

While we are at it, I might as well tell you why the United States of America isn`t named United Countries & Kingdom….because then the asl of an average lady would be 23, F, UCK. (Didn`t get it? Read again).

Our story begins when I used to chat with no less than eight women at the same time, for hours on end to eventually find that five of them were men desperate for any kind of action. Believe me, it is true. I have been on both sides.

During one such chat session, suddenly the whole room brightened up. A pretty girl – maybe 23-24 years old had walked into the room wearing a white salwar.

I wasn`t the only star-stuck desperate man in the room. I looked at my friend nearby, who was known as the guy who went online with 19 women at the same time, and asked: “Who is she?”

“Don`t even bother. She has been taken.” He dived deep into the Samsung monitor again.

“Do you always give the bad news first?” I insisted.

“Her name is Priya. Is a highly educated girl and won`t fall for you.” He went back to the key-board banging that he was known for.

Back then ‘highly educated` meant the person was a Management Trainee. That was quite a dampener…for anybody who wasn`t a MT was a class D employee.

“She is really pretty.” I kept staring at her.

“Tell that to her boyfriend. He will be happy to know.”

Back then, I did think that if you told a man that his girl was pretty the man was bound to be happy. Apparently, that isn`t true always. It works when she is your girl friend…but doesn`t when she becomes you wife.

I learnt it on the day of our marriage when one of Rekha`s college mates walked up to the dais, handed his gift to my newly, and lawfully wedded wife Rekha, and turned towards me and said: “Your wife is pretty.”

I pulled the guy to a corner, and whispered in his ears: “You don`t need to tell me. Why do you think I married her?” Even as he sulked and walked away…I couldn`t help shouting, “By the way, GKB Opticals in Adyar is good.”

I notice that I have been drifting quite a bit. Looks like this post is going to be a two-part series.

Within a few minutes I had decided to hunt down Priya`s boy friend and see if he really cared about her. What if he was just fooling around and would end up hurting her? I wouldn`t have liked that and Rajans don`t let such things happen even if it meant laying down one`s life.

Needless to say, her boy friend was a well educated guy (an MT!) and his name was Rahul. I decided to be mean to him…how could he deprive me of my life`s happiness?

I got my chance within two days when I met him near the water cooler. He smiled at me. I didn`t. First mean act.

Next, I saw him in the food line at the cafeteria, standing just behind me. I took my own time helping myself with the palak paneer (though I don`t like it and threw it later) and delayed his lunch by three minutes. Second mean act.

Like men, we met at the smoking joint a week later. He had a cigarette, but didn`t have a light. When he asked me if I had a light…I refused in spite of having a box of matches inside my trouser pocket. Third mean act.

I had decided to make Rahul`s life hell by being mean to him forever but couldn`t. After 36 acts of meanness I realized I had to start talking to him.

That`s when I….

(The abrupt stop in this post has been inspired by the television serials. Hope it helps in keeping the interest levels high)

Part two to be published shortly

Now that you have read Part 1 of the series, why not try When I was the villain – Part 2

Definition of Lateral Thinking – Lateral thinking is a term coined by Edward de Bono, a Maltese psychologist, physician and writer. It first appeared in the title of his book The Use of Lateral Thinking, published in 1967. De Bono defines lateral thinking as methods of thinking concerned with changing concepts and perception. Lateral thinking is about reasoning that is not immediately obvious and about ideas that may not be obtainable by using only traditional step-by-step logic. Source: Wikipedia

Lateral Thinking Puzzle for the Week

An old man read a report in the newspaper about a wealthy woman who had died of old age. “She was murdered!” he thundered. Then carried on reading the rest of the newspaper How did he know that it was a murder and why did he do nothing about it?

While you are at it, why not read about the 10 Strangest Unsolved Murders in History

Update on the Lateral Thinking Puzzle

The Answer I was looking for

The old man was priest. He was sitting alone while reading the newspaper (some lady once said, before marriage my husband promised to lay down his life for me but after marriage he doesn’t even lay down his newspaper!). Only the previous day a man had confessed to him that he had murdered his aunt for money. The priest realized that the woman mentioned in the newspaper was the murder victim. The ‘seal of confessional’ (priests aren’t allowed to reveal what is said during a confession) meant that he couldn’t report the murder to the police.

Other Good Answers That Came Up

Answer 1: The old man reading the paper had murdered her (probably for her money) and thats how he knew it was a murder! And that is also why he din’t do anything about it.

By Ambiga

Answer 2: The old man reading the newspaper might have given a “supari” to a professional killer, who had succeeded in making it look like a natual death.

By Wrong One

Answer 3: The old man must have been the person who had done post mortem on this wealthy woman. But before the post mortem report was given out the press assumed and declared that she had died of old age. He might have discovered during the postmortem analysis that she was murdered and didn’t die of natural causes. However, he did nothing about it because the investigation (or the post mortem analysis) was going on and he was looking for some conclusive evidence to be given to the police as solid proof.

By Mahesh Nayak

Answer 4: The old man was reading one headline after another to his short sighted and hard of hearing wife. “She was murdered” was probably another headline he read out aloud.

By Bobby