Ten sentences you will never hear your wife say

“Would you want to make love today?”

“I fixed the DVD player for you.”

“Can you tune into Ten Sports, please?”

“Your mother just called.”

“I sent some money to my parents.”

“I had this boy friend once….”

“I loved the dumb bells you gifted me.”

“My girl friends find you hot.”

“I love Bipasha Basu and Mallika Sherawat.”

Ouchmytoe will leave the tenth slot open for you. Leave your tenth sentence in the comment box…

And then I made it to the papers

At the peak of the Blog Ban saga, I had a got a call from a pretty girl called Ranjitha Gunasekaran of Indian Express. I know she must be pretty because most of them somehow find a way to get in touch with me.

The day was July 17 and she was calling to pick my brains about the ban. It felt good to get a call from the newspaper where I had started my career way back in 1999…and went to on to put in 18 months of meritorious service.

For long I wondered who would have turned Judas against me? Who would have told Ranjitha that I am into giving quotes? Apparently it was Aishwarya Rai…oops Rao, who maintains this blog – http://aishwaryarao.blogspot.com.

The article made it to print and you can see it here.

Sincere thanks to Kartik Kannan of Sulekha for scanning the newspaper.


Ouchmytoe listed in Chennaiist’s Top Ten

Chennaiist is a collaborative weblog which intends to share information about the Chennai city. They have come up with a Top Ten list of personal blogs which carry interesting titles.

It is very incidental that Ouchmytoe has been listed as the first Blog in the category. Wonder if it is on rank…for it definitely is not in alphabetical order.

Click here to visit Chennaiist

My world is suddenly crowded

Before marriage I was of the belief that one person can never crowd one`s world. Apparently that`s false…and unfortunately I learnt that after marriage. I will try to be subtle here and not name the person who has crowded my life.

Since Friday last (21st July) my life has taken a turn for the worse. My family from Madurai – which includes my mother, two sisters and brother-in-law – is here in Chennai.

The Pandiyan Express was sharp as usual – it crept into the Railway station exactly at 5.45 a.m….time when the warriors of night were losing a pitched battle against the warriors of day. Through the battlefront, I saw my family getting down from the train…four of them. All heavily armed…with suitcases, bags, parcels, and stainless steel containers for murruku and adirasam. From afar, I counted the pieces of luggage…there were 18 in all….not including my family members.

As I walked towards them, I felt like King Porus (Greek for the name Puru)…the King of Paurava…who had surrendered to Alexander the Great only after his whole army was destroyed. Believe me, I am a man who fights his wars with drops of adrenalin…the moment my body stops secreting adrenalin …I lose the war. It doesn`t matter if I have Rekha standing behind me or I have the US Army which is now trying to control Iraq, with me.

“I thought you will be leaving in four day`s time?” I asked.

“Your brother-in-law will leave early and the rest of us will stay back for a week or so.” It was my mother. She has a way about her that forces you to keep quite for at least ten minutes after she delivers a sentence, lest you kindle an erupting volcano. I kept quite.

I have always had trouble handling relatives who believed in the age old Indian tradition ‘Atithi Devo Bhavah’. For those of you who don`t know ‘Atithi Devo Bhavah’ means – Guest is God. Scary huh? For me the three words have always meant a marketing campaign started by Ministry of Tourism, Government of India.

Even as my thoughts raced, both my sisters said in unison: ‘How much we wish we could stay in Chennai forever!”

My brother-in-law pierced a spear in my heart by saying: “I have already started loving the Chennai air. Wonder if I should call up office and extend my leave.”

In life there are moments when you gain points by arguing (like in a NDA, CDS, IIM, IIT Group Discussion) and there are moments in life when you gain points by keeping quite. I kept quite.

We could have got a porter. My mother spotted a man in red and shouted: “Coolie!”

“Excuse me?” The man in red looked confused.

“Come here. I want you to move these pieces to my son`s car outside. By the way, how much will you charge?”

“Madam, I think you are mistaken. I am not a coolie….I am just wearing a red shirt.”

Even as my mom stood their dumbstruck wondering at the latest fashion in Chennai, I had picked up the bags and started walking towards the car.

When we reached my Swift, my sister exclaimed: “Wow, you got a car!”

I am not good in math so could only do a rough head-count of the number of people who turned their heads to see us…some 87 of them. I even overheard somebody saying: “The way the girl shrieked, I wonder if he has actually stolen the car.”

My good deed for the day

I have convinced my brother-in-law to take up podcasting. Here is his first podcast – in Tamil…awesome.

Let me know what you think. Click here to listen.

Back to Blogging

Now that the Ban on Blogs has Been solved, thanks to a communication from the Ministry of Communications & Information Technology (see it here), we all can get on with our lives. That is, start Blogging.Here is a quick poll to find out why you keep coming Back to Ouchmytoe.

With great difficulty I had to leave out “Because Ouchmytoe sponsors terrorism at home” as an option.