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Yahoo! What am I hearing?

A few days back a friend of mine joked that if Google carries on at the speed it is now, Yahoo! will soon have to replace the exclamation mark with a question mark…like this – Yahoo?

I wasn`t so sure then…but after I read these three articles I wonder if my friend has a contact, deep inside the bowels of Yahoo.
Yahoo May Consider Letting Google Handle Paid Search
Yahoo, going through a rough patch, is leaving all possibilities on the table. Including, it seems, a deal with its arch-enemy. Reports are that Yahoo isn`t ruling out the possibility of offloading its paid search business (is that what they call Search Marketing?) to Google. Courtesy: Mashable.com

Would Yahoo Hand Over Its Paid Search Business To Google?
The company jettissoned CEO Terry Semel in favor of founder Jerry Yang, who’s now apparently considering all possible options. According to Kara Swisher, that includes giving up in paid search and partnering with Google again, though, this time for paid search and not just pure search. Courtesy: TechDirt.com

Yahoo Rumor Patrol: MySpace, Nope! Google? Maybe So.
No sacred cows, indeed. According to rumors circulating around the company, Yang and other executives at Yahoo are even considering something as massive as offloading some of its search monetization business to rival Google. I have suggested this option here in this column many times. Such a move, even if done in part, could instantly add a whole a lot of dollars to its bottom line, drastically cut tech costs and remove the focus on its constantly losing fight with Google as a tech leader. Courtesy: Allthingsd.com

Wonder how my good friends in Yahoo! India are reacting.

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The “Quick Retort” Contest

Situation: Girl friend has cleaned up her main course at the family restaurant but the boy friend is yet to go beyond the chicken soup he had ordered.

“No wonder you are fat!”

Yes, that`s precisely what the boyfriend ends up saying, even though he wanted to say: “Honey, you look nice in this dress.”

Now, what will be the girl friend`s quick retort?

P.S.: Leave your retorts in the comment box…and since PRG never came forward to claim the Rs 500 he won for the last contest…the money will be used to award this contest`s winner.

This contest ends at 7.00 p.m. on Sunday. If you want your retort to be considered for the contest, please post it before the deadline.

Buying a pram for my daughter

On Sunday last we bought a pram for Rhea – our baby. Believe me, getting the right pram is a difficult task. You could be fooled too.

Rekha walked up to me on Saturday morning and said: “We need to buy pram.”

“I think, ‘p` is silent…for I have only heard it being pronounced as ‘ram`. And I agree, the desktop is slow…we need to buy more ram.” Even before I finished my statement, Rekha`s eye brows were knitted and she was staring at me.

Non-IT people would never understand but people like me who work with computers know how important ram is in day-to-day life. I did try to explain it to Rekha, but she asked me to ‘go multiply`. Those of you who don`t understand ‘go multiply` …well…it means F&^% Off.

At 11 a.m. on Sunday, we walked into Lifestyle in the DT Mall on MG Road, Gurgaon. The problem with the Lifestyle showroom is that I feel sad after I visit them. Why did God have to make Lifestyle if 90% of the items on display were to be beyond the reach of human beings?

When I say 90% of the items in Lifestyle were beyond my reach…I also include all the pretty girls exposing tattoos on their backs while picking up books. In a totally unrelated incident, I had dumped Rekha for almost 10 minutes – until I was caught looking at a healthy butterfly sitting on a white surface.

We then moved to the children section. Wonder if you have noticed but there are very few pretty girls wearing butterfly tattoos. The deeper one went into the children`s section the heavier the women became. By the time, we reached the pram…I was jostling with a Gujarati aunty, a Maharastrian behenji and a Punjabi uncle for elbow room.

From where we stood – Rekha and I could barely see the pram. After two hours of waiting, the attendant showed us the features. None of the features interested me much…and I would have decided against buying one had it not been for a feature called ‘Daddy`s Flap`.

“What is this daddy`s flap?” I enquired.

“Sir, have you ever taken your daughter in a pram lately?”

“No. Rhea is my first daughter…and this is going to be her first pram.” I pointed out.

“No wonder. Sir, let me explain…when you take your daughter out for a walk in the pram, you expose your marital status to all the pretty young things looking down from their balconies…don`t you?”

“I do.”

“You wouldn`t want that…or would you?” I did detect a naughty smile on the attendant`s face.

“I do not.”

“Good. In that case, I would suggest you buy this pram. Daddy`s flap is umbrella like contraption you pull over the baby`s head and then duck your head into.”

“Innovation!” Escaped my lips.

Sir, this pram will costs only Rs 7400/-.” Now, the attendant was being very patronizing. I wonder if he had a baby and if he owned such a pram.

I thanked the attendant, paid the bill and took the first step away from the billing counter. I hadn`t even finished the first step when I heard another attendant say: “Looks like Deepak has sold off another pram using the ‘daddy`s flap` story.”

I didn`t turn…I kept walking. Gurgaon is full of conmen. As for me, I am just a conwoman – I con women!

Other Baby Articles

# Babies – some learnings
# Baby Daughter`s Birth – Day one
# Shopping for my baby daughter
# The concept of Birth
# Kissing – how it all began

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And the winner is…. (uuff! Such a cliche)

On 19 July a contest titled “Can you put words into my mouth?” was announced on Ouchmytoe.com. On 28 July, 13 funny lines good enough to make it to Jammy`s speech bubble were selected and were made open to the public for voting.

After a week of vigorous voting (during which 146 votes were polled), the winner has been identified. He/she is PRG, who came up with the line: “Naa, I am not overweight. I am just 3 inches shorter for my weight”

PRG…I am waiting for your address & your name. You know my mail id, don`t you? If you don`t …too bad…qyon ki jab Gurgaon mein koi baccha rotha hai, tho maa kehthi hai, “soja bete, nahin tho Jammy ka Gmail ke ID se mail aajayega!”

Important Notice: If you have ideas for the next contest on Ouchmytoe, please mail me.

From the Ouchmytoe Archives

Articles on…
Father | Babies | Office | Travel | Girl Friend | Shopping

Smokes, weather and flowers

Just so you know…I have quit smoking in office. There was a time, when I smoked 10 cigarettes a day…now it is just one or two. All this wouldn`t have been possible but for this colleague called Sunandini, who on seeing me smoking said: ‘Hey R-a-j-a-n! Your smoke is troubling me!”

It only took me a few micro seconds to come up with a repartee (probably because I had used it earlier many a times). I said: “Hey! It is not just troubling me but is killing me. And I am not complaining!”

Sunandini looked at me for a while, and said, “Make sure you tell your wife where the insurance papers are,” and walked towards her desk.

I remember, the day had been hot and our discussion drifted towards weather. I was defending the Chennai weather while the gentlemen from Gurgaon defended what they thought was right.

“Does Chennai have winter?” One colleague asked sarcastically.

“It doesn`t. But Chennai does have spring.” I replied with a glint of pride in my eyes.

“Spring? Wow man…when does it start and when does it end?” The second colleague asked.

I didn`t want to lie to my friends…so told them the truth: “To be honest…when spring came, I was in a conference call and by the time I got out of it…it was over.”

When I couldn`t convince them that Chennai was a happening place, we moved on to recycling as a concept that`s been picking up.

“Recycling? Oh that`s a fad in Chennai,” I took the lead.

Nirav was a tough guy…he wouldn`t believe me. “Recycling?”

I said: ‘Yes!”

“In Chennai?” He questioned my integrity.

“Yes!”

“No way…the city is way too conservative to divide their waste into organic and inorganic.”

To give him an example of how motivated Chennaites are towards recycling…I narrated the story of one of my Yahoo! colleagues who wanted to re-use a man – she wanted to marry a man once married.

We discussed till we finished our smokes & crushed them under our feet and then threw the Frooti cartons over the wall.

On the way back to our desks, I met Sunandini again. I apologized for being rude.

“I am sorry mate. Can I get you flowers tomorrow?” I asked.

“Sure, I like roses,” she blurted out. She sure knew what she wanted.

You readers know me…I am not the type that goes around gardens killing plants and plucking flowers. So, I asked her: ‘There is a garden in my apartment…what time would be the best to pluck a rose?”

‘Well…the best time would be when nobody is looking!” She said but that hurt.

Tomorrow, I am going to have ten smokes…if there can be an eye for an eye….I am sure a lung for a lung also holds true.

Note: Flowers are actually prostitutes…what do you think the bees come for?

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Arm your bachelor friends

Oscar Wilde had once said “Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.” How untrue?

Who says bachelors are happy? They aren`t. It is not easy hanging around in the office, in pubs and finally sitting before a desktop and choosing between movies like ‘Angels on Fire,` ‘The Innocent Woman` and ‘My Tutor.`

Bachelors have so many questions they don`t know the answers for. What kind of girl friend should one go for? Is it a good idea? Should marriage be the ultimate aim? Will having a girl friend turn out to be costly? Is a King Fisher air hostess the best bet…or should one go for the Retail Consultant working with a research agency?

To cater to such desperate souls, Ouchmytoe.com has stepped in and made a compilation of articles those clear doubts that a young, handsome bachelor might have.

Don`t we all have such bachelor friends? Why don`t you help them – the least you can do – by forwarding them this guide to bachelordom?

Download Now [PDF, 235Kb, 17 Pages, 7 Articles]
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Coming soon! Compilations for –

  • Newly married men
  • Men married for more than two years
  • Men with Hitler wives
  • Expectant parents
  • Wives wanting man-management tips
  • Speech Bubble Contest – Vote for the winner

    On 19 July a contest titled “Can you put words into my mouth?” was announced on Ouchmytoe.com.

    In spite of the measly prize money (Rs 500)…the responses have overshot the condition I had set by 40% and the post ended up with 42 comments. Makes me wonder if I should start contributing to the wealth of my readers (Ouchmytoe have been contributing to their health for a long time now – laughter is medicine, they said – remember?)

    As promised I have made a list of top 13 sentences which could fit in as a good speech bubble for this picture (shown somewhere on this page)…now can you please give your vote?

    The poll closes at 12 noon on 4 August, 2007. The sentence which leads in votes at that time will be announced winner. Thereafter, I will get in touch with the winner…get his or her address and courier the DD worth Rs 500. Phew!