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One of the greatest gamblers of our time died on 26th Dec 2005. Kerry Packer – the Aussie cricket-lover, businessman and billionaire, who gambled with the way cricket was played, is no more.

Some 20-25 years ago when cricket was still played in whites, Kerry Packer intervened and changed the way cricket would be played.

Even BBC thinks Kerry Packer was a compulsive gambler. Read Profile | Wikipedia on Kerry Packer |

The Aussie got English cricket captain Tony Grieg to recruit talented “rebel” cricketers who were willing to dump their country. The day-night matches – to ensure more eye-balls – were telecast on Packer’s TV Channel. Viewer-ship sky-rocketed because of his innovative telecast which involved a shorter version of the game, colored clothing, drinks breaks with modified trolleys, white balls, and floodlights…not to mention top talents from West Indies, South Africa, England and Australia.

He also owned a casino…and 75% of all magazines in Australia.

Gambling paid for this man. Unfortunately, it doesn’t pay for me.

Now for what you actually came to this blog for – some humour!

The other day when, I was in Rekha`s favorite meat-shop buying a kilo of chicken, I befriended the butcher. To lighten things up…I tried entering into a bet with him but he refused to indulge saying “No sir, the steaks are too high.” I had to walk off.

The next week, I met the butcher again. This time, he had time on his hand and was friendlier. He started off saying he had been a compulsive gambler when young…had lost all his money at Las Vegas.

“Why? What happened?”

“I took my wife along and we tempted each other and before we could realize…it was all over,” he said.

“If you lost everything, how did you manage to start this meat-shop and cold storage business?” I was curious.

“We managed to leave Las Vegas with a small fortune.”

“You mean you won after all?”

“No…sir. We had entered Las Vegas with a bigger fortune.”

The butcher had tears in his eyes, and I decided to leave the ex-compulsive-gambler alone when he was upset. Especially since, he had a big butcher`s knife.

A few days back I was in a library, reading a book titled: “A brief History of the times when everything was going right and everybody was happy”

I wouldn`t have spotted this book in the reference rack if my eyes hadn`t rushed to this huge 600 page hard-bound titled “How to Hug”. Only after I took it out of the rack…did I realize it was the 7th volume of Encyclopedia, placed just before the 8th volume “Hut to Indigo”.

In the history aptly titled: “A brief History of the times when everything was going right and everybody was happy,” I read about a British archeologist who discovered Borra Caves in Andhra Pradesh. According to him…they are amazing, natural caves made 300 million years ago. It seems a few years after discovering the caves, the archeologist had also discovered a 6,000 year old skeleton between the rocks. In his Analysis Report he wrote: “We have definite proof that we have found the skeleton of a man who died of a heart attack 6,000 years back. Please find attached a gamblers receipt which says he placed 3,000 pearls on Goliath winning the David vs Goliath battle.”

Moral of the Story: No Gambler can be outstanding in his field. We all need to leave it to the farmer to be outstanding in his field.

Warning: Please read Part 1 published yesterday before you proceed.

When pretty girls are around,
It is difficult to keep me down.

Wow. That sure sounded like a poem.

The train was now in Andhra Pradesh. I could tell by the bright colored clothes worn by the locals, Chinranjeevi posters on walls, and YS Rajasekhar Reddy cut outs on buildings. As confirmation…eunuchs were all around. Perhaps, you didn`t know that in Andhra Pradesh, there is a new class called ‘professional eunuchs,` who are actually men dressed up like eunuchs. During the day they force people to part with ten rupee notes and in the evenings, dress up like men and …chase girls. They are so good at work that they have even managed to take their success story to Mumbai.

I brushed, washed and sat next to the same three girls. It looked as if my competitors – the other 20 odd men in the group – were at work even as I spelt. For everybody barring me was having a dialogue with them.

Having been cornered, I decided to shift focus. I took out the Newsweek I was carrying especially for such an occasion started reading. It was the same Newsweek, I had read during my trip to Madurai last month. Mind you, Newsweek is a weekly.

Breakfast involved a plate of two idlies and two vada bought at one of the stations. It took me a while to find out that it wasn`t good enough and I threw them the four pieces next to the railway track. As soon as the bad idlies and vada hit the ground, we saw a small boy rush to the spot, pick it up, brush away the soil and hand it over to the shop-keeper so that he could sell it again. Nice business sense. Being smart people, we immediately comprehended the situation and crushed the idlies and vada before we threw them – just how we would do to a Mineral water bottle to avoid reuse.

After breakfast, I decided to inform Rekha about the supposed landing of my flight the previous night itself. Since I couldn`t call her (she would have easily found out I was in a train…she has learnt tricks from the movie Trainspotting), I had to message her.

Here is the message: Dear Rekha, Landed in Vishakhapatnam last night 10.30 p.m.. Had to rush to the disco – this VP is a party freak. After late night dinner went to Taj Residency and crashed. When I got up in the morning, the VP was all dressed up waiting for me to get up. Our meeting with Microsoft was at 8 a.m.. Now in a meeting. Will call you later.

I got a reply: Good luck sweetie. Try and eat something. I have already watched four movies and spoke to my parents seven times in your absence.

I felt the guilt, but as they say ‘in love and war everything is legal`. It was a war of nerves between Rekha and I.

We landed in Vishakhapatnam around 3 p.m.. Tired, hungry and dirty. The travel had lasted 18 hours.

After a short bus journey, which lasted 20 minutes and during which our bus pulled down three overhead cables, we reached Taj Residency. The reception was great. Just that there was nobody to receive us with garlands etc.

Nobody messes with 30 tired, dirty and hungry well-built men and women…so as soon as we landed we were shown our rooms and asked to meet at the Harbour View restaurant for lunch. Wow…what lunch. Can you please excuse me now…I am going to eat for a while.

The next post will be published on Thursday (22nd Dec) and will be on how I exploited Taj Residency, Vishakhapatnam.

All companies don`t take their associates to far-flung places for team building exercises. Mine did, and I used it to the maximum.

The place was Vishakhapatnam, and about 30 of us were to travel to the place together. We were to travel by the Vizag Express train; in the 2nd class (my favorite). The same evening, I told my wife Rekha.

“I will be going to Vishakhapatnam.”

“Wow…finally you get to travel at work.” My wife sounded enthusiastic.

[Rekha has always thought that it is only the senior management that travels when at work]

“Yes. I begin traveling at work.” I reassured her.

“When are you flying?”

“Flying?” I didn`t understand her question but then it struck me. She was thinking that my company was paying for an airplane ticket. “Ohh…yes, flying…I would be taking the 9 p.m. Jet Airways flight to Vishakhapatnam.”

[How could I let down my company. My wife works for my company`s competitor]

With Rekha convinced that I was traveling at work, I could rest assured that all my relatives (and hers) would come to know of my trip to Vishakhapatnam. Sure enough within two days I started receiving calls from grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, nephews and nieces wishing me Bon Voyage. I am glad nobody decided to send me off at the airport. Even if somebody did decide, I wouldn`t have known for I was at the Central station getting into a 2nd class compartment. More on this later.

Packing for the trip was quite an exercise. We had to dust the bag we hadn`t used since our honeymoon, 14 months back. Both of us took a day off and finished with the packing. For the record, among the 30 associates who traveled with me…my bag was the largest. Pssst…Rekha still doesn`t know 30 other associates traveled with me. She still thinks…there was a Vice-President and then there was I…and we had gone to Vishakhapatnam to broker a million dollar deal with Microsoft.

After a million parting kisses and hugs, I left for the station. Luckily, from our house, both the airport and railway station are in the same direction.

I reached the station half an hour earlier. The others started coming in too. They looked an enthusiastic bunch (mind you, I will meet them daily at work). For every ten young men, there were three girls. “Survival is going to be tough,” I told myself and sat on the bench as an observer. Meanwhile, I also called up Rekha and told her that I reached the airport. She did ask me about all that background noise…I had to convince her that with all the cheap airlines like Deccan and Spice Jet coming up, the airport was looking (and sounding) like a railway station.

I put a reminder to call Rekha in another half an hour and tell her that I was getting into the airplane. The second reminder was for calling her up after one and half hours and announcing that that I had landed in Vishakhapatnam. I have always believed that a well-planned lie, could end up be becoming the truth.

The train trip began on a good note. Even before the train started rolling (at 9 p.m.) I had strategically positioned myself next to three pretty girls. Unfortunately…a certain Mr Anand and a certain Mr Atanu also landed right next to me. Competition.

Thanks to this competition, when I went to sleep at midnight… I realized I had ignored the reminders I had set earlier…and Rekha had also given me six missed calls. A lot of explanation was pending. But first…some sleep.

Part 2 – Coming up on Wednesday

My apologies. I was held up with work. Not my fault. Who doesn`t get held up with work. At last count more people get held up due to work than those due to traffic.

I love it when somebody calls out “T.G.I.F” when I enter office. It is a sweet smelling, melodious word which means “Thank God, It is Friday.” I accept, sometimes, I have to remind them that it is not Friday yet. How do I remind them? “S.H.I.T” is the abbreviation, which means, “Sorry Honey, It is Thursday”.

My Monday fever rises to such levels that on Mondays I walk into the office with a resignation letter. Enough of these 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. jobs, I tell myself, and walk in. But soon the dust settles down and by afternoon…I am ready for another week`s haul.

I once tried setting up a business and went to my Bank manager for advice.

“How do I set up a small business?” I asked him.
“Simple. Buy a big one, and wait.” He replied.

But I didn`t get de-motivated. I walked up to an entrepreneur friend of mine and initiated small talk.

“So how is business?”

“Business is looking up,” he said. I detected some anguish in his tone and probed him further.

“If business is looking up, why are you upset?”

He chided me for not getting the joke. And later clarified that when somebody says that “business is looking up” it means the “business is lying on the floor…flat on its back”.

Ever since, I have decided to quit trying to be an entrepreneur and concentrate on my 9.a.m. to 5 p.m. (this timing is only namesake) job.

I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine who works for a top IT company. We had met up after three years at the Central station in Chennai…and could catch up only for a few minutes.

Me: Hey, where have you been all this while?
Friend: Bangalore.
Me: Working somewhere?
Friend: Yes at [Beep].
Me: That`s really good. How long have you been working for them?
Friend: Ever since they threatened to sack me for non-performance.
Me: How is the work atmosphere?
Friend: It was good till the time they found out I had given 5 years experience, when I actually had only one.
Me: What did you say when they enquired?
Friend: I told them, their advertisement mis-lead people like me by saying they were looking for people with imagination and creativity.
Me: You are intelligent.

That was all we could speak before we realized my friend`s train to Banglore had already taken off.

Talking of pre-employment blunders …recently I saw an advertisement seeking drivers for the top executives in the company. It said:

Drivers Wanted. At least five years of experience. Should be willing to travel.

I wonder if there can be any driver on duty who is not traveling! As an extension of the above advertisement, the day is not far when we see adverts like –

Developers Wanted. At least three years of experience. Should be willing to code!