Familiarity breeds contempt and children.
– Mark Twain

That is quite a true statement. Within a few months of marriage, Rekha and I became familiar with each other. Now, we also have contempt for each other. No wonder…we are planning for a child very soon.

Besides the contempt, the other thing that encouraged us to go for a child is the way the Family Planning dept. is going full hog. From “We Two, ours Two”…their slogan has changed to “We Two, ours one.” They might soon change it to “We are children, why do we need children” – and we want to pip them to the post.

It seems we can have children. We met a doctor, and he said children were hereditary. “If your parents had them…chances are you could also have them,” he said. This news has brought good cheer in our family of two.

Everything said and done, I know being a child and having a child are not the same.

Back then, children used to be very obedient. Now, days have changed and happiness in the family depends on how parents obey their children.

Back then, the children and their grandparents would make quite a combination. Going to the park, shopping ….almost everything was done together. But, now-a-days they have realized that they have a common enemy…the middle generation (that is us) …and work towards making our life hell.

Rekha and I have already started preparing for aggressive children. We have enrolled ourselves in a Karate school, and also plan to take up Taekwondo. But all this for self defence only. For I know how to tackle them. I would iron out all issues by speaking to them. Didn`t Robert Orben say: “Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.”

Everything said, I think we will be able to solve everything at the dining table – the only place where we will rule the roost. After all, use of force is a bad solution employed only by rouge nations (like United States of America).

A few of my colleagues suggest that we should give birth to a baby…take care of it for five years…and then leave it to survive by itself in this big, bad world. I asked them on what logic they suggest this and here is the conversation:

“Why do you say that I should take care of my child till he/she is five years of age, and then leave him/her to survive for himself/herself?”

“Don`t you know that man is an animal?”

“Yes, I know that part.”

“Then, I guess you would also know that man is the only animal that allows its children to come back home.”

“Yes, I know that part.”

“You have always wanted to be different. Wouldn`t you want to be different here too?”

“Sure, I would want to.”

“Then why don`t you do as I say?”

“Because my child will be choosing my old age home. So…doesn`t it make sense for me to be careful with him?”

My colleague didn`t say a word after that. As of now Rekha and I are still waiting for that child who will fill our house with happiness….

Women & Tree

I have a thing for both women and trees. You probably wonder why…but I think both are somehow related. I am still working on my experiments…hence will take time to prove it.

The first hint that encouraged pursuing this study was when I realized both women and trees have strong barks.

Even as I pursue this, I understand that there are many differences between the two. The foremost being…a man can walk up to any tree and give it a big hug. When it comes to women, this is scarcely possible. Even if the lady is your wife…believe me, for I am married. If my history (and biology) is right, this is the reason why Sunderlal Bahuguna tried his Chipko Andolan only on the trees.

There is a school of thought that believes women and trees are not related. Their contention is…when a man barks up a tree; he is bound to get heard. But that doesn`t work on women. They hear when they want to. These people also argue that when prevailing conditions are not favorable to them, the trees shed leaves…while the ladies shed something totally different – tears.

My experiments on the relationship between trees and women are still on. And it is getting hectic in the lab…which is why I am looking for a lady secretary. Somebody, who won`t get upset when I give her a big hug – of course…for experimental reasons!

Funny one-liners

(I promise these are not mine)

What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.

What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?
Wet feet.

What’s gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?
The Presidential Seal

What bird can lift the most?
A crane.

What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad.

Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?
He took them to a pignic.

Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?
She couldn’t control her pupils.


One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
– Rita Mae Brown

Memory is a bad thing. Especially in relationships that involve a gentleman and a lady. Believe me. Or get married and find out for yourself.

July 5th is her Rekha`s birthday…and I have never been able to remember it. In the days of our courtship…I would always forget to wish her and face the wrath. But the effect was not much because I was still eating out in hotels. After marriage, I have realized that it is not a wise thing to do. So here is my formula to remember her birthday.

100 (the number of years Rekha wants to live with me) – 25 (my age when I first met her) = 75. In 75, seven is the month and five is the date. That gives me her birthday as 5th of July.

I agree there have been instances when I have bought the cake on 7th of May because I confused on what represented the month and what the date. On such instances I was forced to eat the cake well past midnight…after Rekha went to bed. And throw the rest after camouflaging it, lest she finds out.

The issue would have been of small concern had it been for just the birthdays and the anniversaries. Dates, and instances form a major part of a lady`s psyche. But for the men, they are mere dates and instances…which hold no value after they pass by.

My wife for instances remembers when we first met, what I first gifted her (I am just hazarding a guess here…I don`t think I have ever gifted her anything), where I first said “I Love You”…and how many times I said it. So much so, her reply to a simple question “How and where did you meet and get married?” would go on for three days. As for me…the answer is simple: “ohh…we met in Sify and courted for four years before Rekha begged me to marry her. Rest as they say is chemistry.”

I think marriage improves the memory of a lady and dulls that of a man. For example, when we were yet to propose…she would say: “Rajan, you are such a mess…I find it difficult to keep track of the girls you fall in love with.”

After marriage, she even knows what I like. Surprisingly, she does not remember what I don`t like. This is dangerous, because ladies can put this knowledge to economic use. Like that day when Rekha was ready for me with a bowl of kheer. I walked right into the trap, asking for a second bowl. Later, I would come to know that she wanted to me to accompany her to the Rajasthani Emporium to buy curtains for the house.

In a way…it is good that at least my wife has good memory. Will help my kids grow up to be good students. That is, if our kid happens to be a daughter.

Till then, I guess…the bad-memory Rajan and the good-memory Rekha will be strange bed-fellow!



Nurses hold a special place in my heart. Why shouldn`t they? Afterall, 95% of the nurses I have come across are from Kerala …and that is my wife`s place.

I am not sure if it is the same in North India, but down South it is the Keralites who hold sway as Nurses. Wonder why Keralites make great nurses. Perhaps, it has to do with their good physique and their fair complexion that goes well with the sexy white uniform.

Some say Keralites are in the nursing profession in order to serve the needy. Knowing my wife, and my in-laws…I would rather assume that they are in the profession because it is better to be inserting needles, than be receiving it.

During my stay at the hospital (remember to pray for my father`s well-being)…I saw many pretty nurses. In fact, all of them looked pretty to me. Married men will agree.

Many of the Medical Representatives (MRs) waiting to meet the doctors also felt so…I could tell from the way they were gaping at the girls. I even saw a few Medical Representatives (MRs) getting married to pretty nurses as they waited for the doctors to call them in. That is how long these doctors keep the MRs waiting.

Some doctors also get married to these nurses. But that is only after the lady doctor stocks are over. I am not a doctor, but if I had not married Rekha…I think I would have married a Nurse. Ironing a top and a skirt is a lot easier than ironing a churidhaar.

It is quite a challenging profession. Not in many professions do you get exposed to rare and exciting diseases. Not in many professions do you get to murder and yet not be convicted. Not in many professions do you get to see what your client had eaten for breakfast. I for example, cannot even see what my client has in his laptop…leave alone his stomach. The last time I knew what my client had eaten for breakfast was when he had puked on my trousers.

Talking of puke, I wonder how the nurses get back home from 10-hour shift of watching gore…and yet manage to eat. If I were a nurse, I would not have been able to eat…that is unless a doctor had taken me out for dinner.

Also…is it true that nurses make great partners? Or is it just a legend built around the one billion porn movies involving nurses…that are doing the rounds on the Internet?

Want to get into Corporate Communications?

I have put in my papers at AIG System Solutions. And will be moving to Satyam Computers by the first half of July. Naturally, we are looking out for a capable, creative and competitive person (wow…that did sound good) to replace me as the Corporate Communications guy here.

It is a swell job.


– Being the one-man Corporate Communications department, you will be reporting to the President. So your efforts won`t go unnoticed.

– You will be the bridge between the employees and the management – all messages go through you.

– You will be working on presentations that will help the company get revenues (what goes into the PPTs will be the President`s brainchild).

– You will coordinate across departments, and get content for the employee newsletter that comes out every alternate week. You also get to be the Editor and Designer of the newsletter. It is very simple if you know the right software…which can be learnt on the job.

– You will be designing posters, certificates etc for use within AIG System Solutions.

– You will be coordinating with outside vendors for events such as movie outing for all employees, client visit by ‘Natives` which requires us to have somebody who speaks and writes the ‘Native` language….or distribution of T-shirts for all employees.


Truck loads of responsibility. High-visibility…high-risk. But then, that`s the thrill in this job…you are always the celebrity.

You need to be talkative….and be cordial to all employees. Which again is not a difficult ask.

Required Skills

Knowledge of – Photoshop (little is enough), MS Publisher (little is enough), MS Powerpoint (exhaustive) and MS Word (exhaustive).
(All of these skills can be learnt in a week`s time and can be learnt on the job too.)

What does one need to have to apply?

– Good command over spoken & written English

– At least 1-2 years of work experience in a technical company because here you will be dealing with techies & their terms.

– Ability to interact freely with all employees.

If you are interested mail me at or call me @ 09884391221


Spectator sportsman

Jawahar Lal Nehru said in sports participation was more important than winning. I beg to differ. Watching sports is more important than participating. Ask anybody who stays in the CAS-affected Chennai and I am sure you will see many heads nod.

Some of you may place the blame on me being a mere spectator on my height (165 cms), which is slightly more than that of Napoleon Bonaparte. I assure you it is not the case. Some of the world`s best athletes have been short. Take Raj Kiran in the Hindi movie Hip Hip Hurray (also starring Shafi Inamdar, Deepti Naval) or Aamir Khan in Lagaan….both were short.

Neither can you place the blame on my laziness. Some great sportsmen have been the laziest. Anand Vishwanathan, for instance. He doesn`t budge from his seat during matches. Also, Mohammed Ali…who they say moved as slow as a butterfly and could only sting like a bee. He should have donned a pair of boxing gloves and tried to hit instead of trying to sting.

In short, I am not to be blamed for being glued to the Sports channels on TV. Sports is in my blood. My father was always glued to the TV…but he was more into the sport called ‘walking`. Perhaps, that`s why we always caught him watching Fashion TV.

I am a fierce competitor. I know looking at the innocent face displayed atop this page you don`t believe that I am a fierce competitor. But I sure am. For instance, I am all set for the Liverpool vs TNS match scheduled for the 2nd week of July. I am so set that I have already bought the colors of both the teams. After finding out the favorite (by reading the newspapers) I will paint myself in the respective colors. The only problem is, if the other team leads at halftime I won`t have anybody to help me wash my painted face…and apply colors of the second team.

I am also a very physically fit sportsman. While watching a game of soccer, which lasts for 90 minutes…I can gobble up two egg puffs, one black forest pastry, couple of Lays packets and one liter of Coke. Not to mention the cheese cubes I reserve for tense moments from when my team starts losing, and I shift loyalties to the other.

Like I said, I am a true-blue sportsman and spend most of my time watching sports on TV. Just that the referee cries foul saying she wants to watch all those stupid mega serials they start broadcasting at 8 p.m. sharp!

Two things that are never bought at the same time

While I was sitting in the hospital (outside the ICU), I noticed an old man take small steps. He was leaning on his walking stick.

I know there is nothing funny in an old man using a walking stick. But his Fila shoes were funny. He was wearing a Fila Racer 6 – a top of the line running shoe that even the Satyam Computers employees can only dream of.

Perhaps, his son just came back from US. Perhaps not. But it did set me thinking…now I wanted to know two things that are never bought at the same time. A walking stick and a Fila Racer 6, for instance.

Here are a few others –

Viagra & Silk stockings
Napkins & Condoms
Amrutanjan balm & condoms
Cash counter & begging bowl
Wedding ring & handcuffs
Air Cooler & an Air conditioner
Washing machine & a wife
Iron box & a wife
Porn video & Playboy