Funny tweets on World Environment Day you must not miss

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Donald Trump was reckless and dangerous when he decided to pull USA out of the Paris Climate deal. The fact that USA pollutes the most compounds the issue further. After Trump’s coitus interruptus (a birth control measure, not a climate control measure) USA got clubbed alongside war-torn Syria and Nicaragua as being the only three countries not to be part of the Paris climate deal. Both Syria and Nicaragua have their reasons for not being part of the climate deal while USA has Donald Trump. Here are some funny tweets on World Environment Day you must not miss.

It is World Environment day and the President who should have been contributing the most is playing. With his mother.

https://twitter.com/Corbynator2/status/870716118175858688

If you think Trump treating Earth as his play toy is bad, check out how else he treats it.

Or this one where one man’s ignorance and arrogance may take the whole world down.

The good thing is, the World is not taking it lying down. European leaders are stepping in and taking the lead. Voices of “let us make the planet great again” are being heard from everywhere.

Some folks are also getting personal. Poor Trump ends up dragging his wives also into the play.

https://twitter.com/Chelseashow/status/871794240287678465

Talking of the USA first lady, I think she can get USA in the Paris climate pact. All she has to do is put Donald Trump on a sexual diet like how the women of Bergama, Turkey had done when a Gold mining company came to town. Read more about the Resistance of Bergama.

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While we leave Melania Trump to figure out ways to bring Donald Trump around, let us get to Obama, ex-President of USA. This World Environment day, folks haven’t been kind to him either.

https://twitter.com/Pamela_Moore13/status/871801418235207682

Why Obama, in fact, all the politicians are to be blamed for the pits we are in.

Why can’t all countries be like Sweden? Did you know that Sweden recycles so well that it has run out of garbage for its energy programs and now imports garbage from Norway.

Even trees recognize their own children (their baby trees) and send them more carbon below ground. They even reduce their own roots to make room for their kids’ roots. When trees can take care of their kids, why aren’t we concerned about ours?

This Portland man expects to deliver a baby in six weeks

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Trystan Reese is a 34 years old transgender man who will be delivering his first child in less than six weeks. Together with his gay partner Biff Chaplow, they have a nice little family which continues to grow. In 2015, they were suddenly thrust into parenthood after winning a US court battle to save Chaplow’s niece and nephew from an abusive household. Today the two kids – Riley and Hailey – are excited about the fifth member of this modern family.

View this post on Instagram

#family

A post shared by Trystan Reese (@biffandi) on

Trystan Reese, who transitioned about 15 years ago had lost a baby not so long ago. This time though he is confident of pulling the whole distance. Reese and his partner are excited about the fifth member of the family and their Instagram shows that.

View this post on Instagram

32 weeks today!!!

A post shared by Trystan Reese (@biffandi) on

Trystan Reese had always dreamt of having a baby and that’s why this Portland dad had stopped taking male sex hormone testosterone.

But not everybody seems to be happy for Trystan Reese and Biff Chaplow. Check out this funny and insensitive reaction to the gay couple having kids.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BU19LgvhaP7/

Watch Trystan Reese talk about being a man and being pregnant.

Becoming "The Pregnant Man"

How does Trystan reconcile being a man with being pregnant? Watch to hear his story!

Posted by Biff and I on Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Follow them on BIFFANDI.COM

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Funny photos of dads and their kids: a tribute to fatherhood

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It is easy to father a child but it is not so easy to be a dad. Especially when the mother is not around. Handling pocket-sized dynamites is a task for large teams (or mothers) and not for individuals. This is why it is always fun to look at funny photos of dads and their kids.

The Ouchmytoe.com team has selected the funniest images of fathers and their children for you. If you know a father who is as cool, do share this funny fathers complication with them.

Funny photos of dads and their kids

Dads bring up street smart kids. Kids who can get their way in the big, bad world.

Dads have always used brute force to carry their kids. Not the nice curvy hips which the moms have to settle their kids in. This is why dads have always had to figure out innovative ways of carrying their kids.

Halloween costume idea.

Posted by Life of Dad on Friday, September 25, 2015

We think it is alright for a daddy to get confused with identical twins. Here is a creative way to identify one’s twins. The only issue is – the dad will always have to seek the aerial route.

Shared by Life of Dad user, Herbert Lofton

Posted by Life of Dad on Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Which dad doesn’t want his son to grow up like him. But with a green mustache? Are we talking of Peter Pan here? No wait…even Peter Pan didn’t have a green mustache.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BRSMMcDADs7/

The cap this kid is wearing is a nice homemade recipe for disaster. But hey, with a cap like that which girl wouldn’t want to chew his head off?

When you find out about Crazy Hat Day at the last minute.

Posted by Life of Dad on Monday, September 14, 2015

When you are a father, Boney M’s By the Rivers of Babylon takes a whole new meaning.

Dads. They can overcome anything.

Posted by Life of Dad on Friday, September 11, 2015

Now that looks like a father who is in control of the mayhem. That’s four kids in a single bath tub. Well done, dad!

If it is summer and you still need to go out to battle, this is just the right attire. Keeps you cool in body and in soul. Yet again, a great dad at work.

We can't love this enough.

Posted by Life of Dad on Saturday, August 29, 2015

Who says dads take parenting lightly. Just look at this father. He has come well-prepared. Too prepared. With this kind of preparation, he can handle a battalion of babies.

"When my son was born, I came prepared. Ear protection for when when he goes 'fully automatic.' Eye protection for any …

Posted by Life of Dad on Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Now that’s a father who knows his animal kingdom well. Is the kid an octopus? Or is he a squid? Whatever the father’s intentions, the child is definitely excited.

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It is kids who get trained like this by their fathers who grow up to become James Camerons and make blockbusters like Avatar etc.

Posted by Life of Dad on Sunday, December 6, 2015

A happy dad ensures a happy kid. Just because a father is taking care of a baby doesn’t mean he shouldn’t take care of himself. Well done, sire!

Life of Dad user, Joshua Connolly, recently bought a pack of 1000 straws. A brilliant investment.

Posted by Life of Dad on Saturday, October 10, 2015

Fathers would do whatever it takes to make their kids smile. This father goes all the distance – two feet higher to be precise.

Anything to save money on a swing set. – Shared by Life of Dad user, Fabio-Blanca Galeana

Posted by Life of Dad on Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Either the dad was too lazy or the mother hadn’t kept the kid’s clothes outside to make the father’s life easier. Whatever be the case here, kids have a tendency to look cuter when they have been dressed up by fathers.

Air conditioning not working and the baby is going cranky in the summer? No worries. This father has the perfect solution for bringing down the temperature a bit.

This looks refreshingly comfortable.

Posted by Life of Dad on Thursday, October 8, 2015

If you are a mother and have a daughter at home, please advise her. Tell her never to ask her father for hair styling ideas – this is not what tying one’s hair in a bun means!

Dads. We're trying our best with the fixing-the-hair thing. – Shared by Life of Dad user, Herbert Lofton

Posted by Life of Dad on Monday, October 5, 2015

And we are sure the dog did all of this.

"And then the dog just……. grabbed the marker and went crazy. I swear dad."

Posted by Life of Dad on Saturday, August 8, 2015

Why should dads stop taking care of their kids when they grow up? We at Ouchmytoe.com think taking care of each other should continue, till the last drop is done.

The circle of life. – Shared by Life of Dad user, Tony Bradshaw

Posted by Life of Dad on Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Know a cool father or an equally fantastic mother? Share this page with them!

Funny reaction to Trump’s word covfefe is incovfeferable

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In the last 24 hours, the word “Covfefe” has taken the World by storm. President of the United States Donald Trump gifted this word to the world in his late-night tweet “Despite the constant negative press covfefe” and went to sleep. People started making jokes, funny memes and guessing what it could have meant. We feel this funny reaction to Trump’s word covfefe is incovfeferable.

When he got up in the morning, “covfefe” had already flown the nest. After seeing the commotion he had created, Donald Trump deleted the tweet and replaced it with “Who can figure out the true meaning of covfefe??? Enjoy!”

While the rest of the World is joking around the world Covfefe, the Donald Trump fans are still saying ‘Hey, he didn’t say it!”

Human Being: “No sir, I saw his tweet. He did use the word covfefe!”

Trump Fan: If he used the word…I am sure he didn’t mean it.

Human Being: If he has tweeted it he must have meant it.

Trump Fan: Do you know the meaning of covfefe?

Human Being: I have no idea what covfefe means.

Trump Fan: And yet are making such a big issue out of the word covfefe?

Human Being: I know covfefe was a Presidential typo.

Trump Fan: Others have tweeted worse typos, you know?

When you are the President of USA, the world doesn’t even allow you a typo – we hate this incovfeferable attitude of the world. In fact, even Hillary Clinton had a jibe at Donald Trump. She said, “I thought it was a hidden message to the Russians.”

Thanks to all the scare Donald Trump got when he got up, we will never know how covfefe is pronounced. What will it be – Kuv-feef or Kov-fay-fay or Kov-fi-fi?

Funny reactions to Trump’s word Covfefe are incovfeferable

Some took a dig at his love for Russian Premier Putin and said it was Trump’s way of resigning with flair and that Covfefe meant ‘I resign’ in Russian.

Usually, it is Jimmy Kimmel who wipes the smile off Donald Trump’s face but this time Mr Trump seems have stolen a march over his late-night show rival. Kimmel feels he will never be able to come up anything funnier than covfefe.

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If you love the sitcom ‘Friends’, you will love this funny take below. Just that to use television series ‘Friends’ to make fun of someone who has no friends…that’s just incovfeferable.

Adolf Hilter may have written a book, and Trump just a word but this is enough to draw comparisons between the two. ‘Mein covfefe’ does sound like a nice covfefe table book. Oops…coffee table book.

Some say Donald Trump was just promoting wife Melania Trump’s latest perfume called covfefe. Either that or Trump’s English stinks.

Now that we all know how popular covefefe is, let us find out how to make it so that the happiness and smiles can spread far and wide.

What is Organic food? It is the same food only a lot costlier

Ten years back, I would stay away from shops that had a glass door and were air conditioned  – they always tend to be costlier than the other shops. In recent years, thanks primarily to a booming economy and subsequent increase in my salary (psst…don’t tell my wife) I don’t hesitate outside such shops anymore.

If you ask me, what these air-conditioned shops were ten years back, the organic food is today. It is so freaking costly.

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Every time I go for grocery shopping, I see counters labeled ‘Organic Foods’ and high-heeled non-moms, moms, and grand-moms loitering around the counter.

Thats when I asked my wife, “Rekha, what is organic food?”

“Organic food?”

“Yes, I see these organic food counters everywhere now.” I persisted.

“Ah…organic food. Thats just regular food but costlier.”

My mother who was standing nearby got curious. Just in case you thought ours is a family that is kind to each other, let me not disappoint you, you are right. My wife and my mother have a very healthy relationship – a relationship that ensures the fittest survives.

Usually my mother doesn’t question my wife’s strategy but when they are important decisions such as ‘is coconut chutney with idlies better than sambhar with idlies?’ ‘does adding garlic in fish curry make it tasty?’ etc my mother jumps in uninvited.

In this case also she did. She asked: “If it is normal food, why is it costlier?”

Not to be seen as the one that doesn’t know her vegetables, my wife responded confidently: “Aunty, these are vegetables which didn’t have poisonous fertilizers and pesticides sprayed on them. Such stuff can kill people you know?”

Then as an afterthought my wife added, “Not that fertilizers and pesticides are the only way to kill people.”

I waited holding my breath. I had to keep this discussion down. Didn’t want one of them to be hiring a hit-man for the other. Thankfully better sense prevailed and they moved on to other topics.

But for a change I realized that my wife was right. Organic food is regular food but costlier. In fact, organic food is so costly that if yours is a household where a single parent earns, you are doomed.

Just in case you don’t know, organic food is the food your grandparents once ate – everyday, without paying extra. This was when they were calling the shots (and not relegated to a corner of the house by their kids) and you were either a molecule somewhere, a sperm in somebody’s testicles or a kid in your mother’s arms.

Organic food for which we pay so much wasn’t always this costly. In fact, the Apple Eve ate and triggered the fashion industry was organic and was free. The poisoned apple the witch gave Snow White in the fairy tale ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’ was also organic and free. Why then do we have to pay now for organic stuff?

Till about twenty years organic food was available in every store. There were no seperate counters. Our grand parents didn’t have to go to a fancy shop named “Farmacy” to buy Organic Food.

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There are a few things we can do to make sure we all don’t end up paying more for Organic food. Let us start with sharing this post on ours Facebook & Twitter and educate all farmers that we should ONLY be growing food without fertilizers and pesticides. Ohh wait, there is a problem. The farmers on Facebook aren’t real farmers….they are just Farmville players.

Ashley Madison is the bitch nobody ever had

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“Did you have an account at Ashley Madison?” My wife thundered.

“Yes….and no,” was my meek reply.

“Yes? Or No? Can you be a little specific?”

“Rekha, it doesn’t matter. You know that I love you.”

“That you better do. But, after I found your name on the Ashley Madison customer’s list, I am not so sure.”

“Rekha, I do. Promise.”

At this point, I wanted to come out like a real man and tell my wife that 37 million married men who had an account on Ashley Madison, so they could cheat on their wives couldn’t be wrong. There must have been a reason for so many men wanting to cheat. Shouldn’t the wives introspect just that little bit? Just peak into their hearts and see when they last allowed their husbands in.

“So, did you find any woman there?” My wife punctured my thought bubble.

“Hmm…didn’t you read?” I asked surprised.

“Read what?”

“They had one registered woman for every seven men registered. So very few men got connected.”

“That’s a bad ratio – if you were fairer and taller, you may have beaten those odds on Gurgaon roads.”

At this point, I wanted to ask my wife if I was “so short and so dark”, how did she end up marrying me. I stopped short because that would have rekindled old wounds. The next moment, I wanted to be honest with my wife and tell her that if it weren’t for her I wouldn’t have registered at Ashely Madison. All that I had ever wanted was that soft kiss on the cheeks (not the cheek you are thinking!), that affectionate tap on the head (again not the head you are thinking!) and that ride into the sunset (damn…not the ride you are thinking!). I just didn’t have the courage.

My wife broke my silence again. “So, every seventh man on Ashley Madison got laid?”

“No way. For every 2500 men sending messages, only one woman messaged back.”

“Seriously?” My wife was shocked. “Why?” She insisted on an answer.

“I really don’t know, Rekha.”

“So, how much did you waste on the bitch you never had?”

“I didn’t actually pay. I only registered because I wanted to see how it worked.”

“That’s like my boy.” My wife sounded very patronising.

I waited for the next reaction from her, but looked like the domestic Ashley Madison storm was over. I stared at my wife as she messaged her friends on Whatsapp that I was clean and goaded them to investigate their husbands.

She seemed happy. I wanted to tell my wife that she and her friends shouldn’t have bothered questioning because wanting to cheat in marriage was as old as the institution of marriage itself. Many before me have tried to cheat, many after me will try to cheat. Those who didn’t register on Ashley Madison were perhaps trying Tinder or Happn or OKCupid or Bumble.

I also wanted to tell my wife that all the women need to rethink their priorities in life. If at all anything, this Ashley Madison hack has shown us one thing – that women don’t seem to like extra-marital affairs. Even if someone promises to keep them a secret. Well, at least till they get hacked.

Note: If you know a man (a friend, relative, colleague) who once thought his life was short and he deserved an affair, please forgive him. Chances are, like me, he just sought some discreet pleasure while staying emotionally loyal to one partner. In short, he is just a sheep which wandered for a bit and got fleeced for nothing.

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Story of my first date and why she never answered my call again

Alankar was a journalist with a reputed Indian newspaper – The New Indian Express – and known to hob-nob with the best in showbiz. Now, you may suspect that I tried to get closer to her for her money or contacts but no, mine was pure love. And some lust. She was pretty and this explained my affection for her. That was all. This is the story of my first date and why she never answered my call again.

We had got talking and I was trying to persuade her to a date. With much difficulty, she agreed. The condition was, I was not to touch her, and try any ‘funny tricks’. These were the days before Facebook and Whatsapp, that is, every conversation was in-person. So when she said ‘funny’ tricks, I could see her expression and knew that she was serious.

We met at Spencers Mall at Anna Salai, Chennai. We spent time breaking the ice. Soon we were talking about our relationship. Well, at least I was.

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Sometimes I got the impression she wanted to get over with this whole `Date` thing. But I was not going to give in. After all, she had agreed to this meeting after a persuasion that lasted nine months. You may think that I was patient with her but the truth is I never found another girl.

During our conversation, I told her how hard I worked and how all my colleagues loved me. And how I was likely to be promoted. I think she was pretty excited about this as she kept nodding her head, even as she stared at the people walking in and out of the various shops.

Finally, she asked, “Are we going for dinner?”

To be honest, it was my mistake. It was seven already. Maybe she was used to an early dinner.

We walked up to my Yamaha RX 100 which was parked outside. The happy young man in me gave away five rupees to the parking attendant. By the time I realized the financial folly, it was pretty late.

She started giving me indirect hints that she wanted to sit on my Yamaha but circumstances didn’t favor her. She said, “I don’t want to sit on your bike.”

Being a gentleman, I understood what she was going through. I mean, not all girls like to be spotted with the guy they intend to marry – before the marriage. But as the restaurant was at least 14 kilometers away, an autorickshaw was not a logical solution. I had already paid five rupees to the parking attendant as a tip and could ill-afford Rs 50 for the auto.

With a little bit of convincing, she was on my bike but she sat far behind on the seat. I was a bit disappointed for I was expecting her to hold me by my shoulder. The cool breeze from Marina Beach was hitting my back – the same back which was to feel her warmth. We had ridden less than 100 meters when my disappointment turned to ecstasy for I realized that she was just the right kind of girl I wanted to marry – she was cultural.

After half an hour of riding, we were at the restaurant.

Her first words at the restaurant were, “Eeeks! This place smells of chicken.” That’s when I realized I hadn’t asked her if she was a vegetarian or a non-vegetarian.

We choose a table next to the window so that she could occasionally stick her neck out for breathing. It was time to place our order. The gentlemen that waiters are, the man standing us asked her, “What would madam have for dinner.”

“Vegetable noodles,” pat came the reply. Then she turned towards me and quipped,”I just love noodles.” This got my testosterone flowing. If she loved noodles, I should love noodles too.

I just raised my two fingers and blurted out,”Make it two!” There was a smile of victory on my face as I watched the waiter go back with our order.

The plates arrived and we went for our forks. When I first saw the fork, I knew I had seen it somewhere before. One thought led to another and I finally landed on Lord Shiva. He holds a fork like trident (trishul, in Hindi). “Ah! So this is a fork!” I muttered to myself.

Blame it on my mother, who never cooked noodles or blame it on my father who never taught us to use forks but till now I had neither eaten noodles nor used a fork.

When I looked up from my plate, I noticed that she had already started. I stared at her for a few microseconds, for those elusive hints on how to eat noodles. She was fluent and went about the task at hand with a surgeon like precision. I was stranded. This was the first time in my life, I was having noodles and that too with a fork.

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I tried. I tried again. I innovated. But nothing seemed to work. Girls being slow eaters, I could keep pace with her for a while. But as she warmed up my inability to pick up the noodles with a fork was exposed.

Twenty minutes later, she had cleaned up her plate. Mine was still half full. Being an optimist, that is how I saw it.

I was already feeling the pressure. Here I was sitting before a girl well-versed with the ways of the world – and of course, the use of fork and I was not even able to finish a plate of noodles.

Through the corner of my eye, I noticed, she was looking at me. After what seemed like ages, she said: “Why don’t you try your hand. It might be easy.”

I didn’t say a word. I put aside Shiva’s trident and started eating with my hand. She watched me eat all the way.

After the date was over, we got onto the bike again. The gap still remained. The breeze still hit my back. Only this time it was colder. We didn’t speak much on the way back.

We haven’t spoken since this dinner date – it has been 16 years since. I had called her a few times, but every time her friend picked up the phone and said Alankar had gone out to buy dinner. Once the friend also added, “I think tonight she is planning to have noodles.” This was followed by lots of girls giggling, which I found cute. So she still discusses me!

Group dynamics in a married man’s house

Prakash Raj is a close friend of mine who lives in Delhi. This is his story – of how group dynamics in a married man’s house has affected his life. This Saturday, we met up at the Barista in DLF Mega Mall in Gurgaon. He had called on Friday and said: “Jammy, don`t you project yourself as a specialist in man-woman relationships?”

“I never did!” I protested. But my friend wouldn`t listen and fixed a 12 noon meeting at DLF Mega Mall. Easing into the soft, brown cushion at the Barista, he said: “You are lucky, your mother doesn`t stay with you.”

“Why? What happened?”

My longtime friend detailed out an average day in his life. Apparently, his mother and his wife were having trouble adjusting.

Here is his narration, in his words

If my mother and wife have had a fight, I will know by 7.00 p.m. itself. Both my mother and my wife will call me at office and check when I will be home. Armed with the knowledge that the night was going to be stressful and long, I will enter the house by 9 p.m..

If my mother managed to open the door for me, my wife will be at an arms distance to get my laptop bag. If my mother kept my shoes in the newly bought shoe-rack, my wife will bring me the towel and ask to freshen up.

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Finding a reason to enter the house, I will look up at my father for some support. With an Economic Times and a TV in front of him, he will just shrug and go back to the distractions. I know what his shrug means: “Buddy, I managed it in my time, now it is your turn.” So wouldn`t disturb him and move to the washroom to freshen up.

If my wife managed to hand me a washed T-shirt outside the washroom, my mother will manage to shout: “The dinner is served!”

At the dinner table, the silences will be long and the sentences short. The utensils will be a lot noisier than normal days. The decibel levels will give me an idea of the magnitude of the fight. On normal days, the ladle will not hit the plate while the rice or dal is served but on the fight-days the ladles will make their presence felt.

“So, how was your day?” My wife will ask.

Since, I know my response to this question can break my family into two I will just say: “It was fine.”

If I said that my day was great, my wife would fall into a chasm of self-pity and solving the fight will become that much more difficult.

“So, what did you do the whole day?” My mother will ask trying to prove a point that her son is more responsive to her questions. Now, even if I wanted to give a detailed answer I can`t because then my wife will be upset. So I just say: “Nothing much!”

Since my wife is a Malayali (she hails from Kerala), she doesn`t understand Tamil mother starts conversing in Tamil at the dinning table. Being the good husband I am I respond in a neutral language, lest my wife thinks I am conspiring against her.

I look at my father again – seeking advice. The intelligent man that he is, he will just bury his face in his plate.

The dinner will be a disaster. Since both the queens in my life are pre-occupied, they forget to bring to the dining table two of the dishes that were prepared for the evening. The situation worsens if both the dishes were prepared by one individual, for a conspiracy theory is attached to the miss.

When the dinner ends, my mother tries to prolong my stay outside the bedroom by offering ice-cream, fruits, Dabur Chyawanprash etc. If I indulge in these after-dinner-activities, my wife starts hinting me to reach the bedroom soon. She lets out statements like, “I am sleepy,” “Your favourite TV show in on now,” etc. Not willing to upset either of them, I take a spoon full of Dabur Chyawanprash and rush to the bedroom.

Once inside the bedroom, I stare at the TV (and think on how best to tackle my wife). Meanwhile, my wife sits before the dressing mirror and sulks. She sulks so much that I am forced to ask: “Why what happened?”

Even before I finish my question, I realize that I have opened the dam. My wife starts crying and explains how my mother is actually a witch that both my father and I haven`t been able to spot in the last 30 years.

I console her. I tell her that my mother is indeed a bad woman and needs to be controlled with an iron hand. My wife is initially doubts that I am on her side but with some persuasion she is made to believe that I hate my mother. Happy in the belief that she has managed to convince me, she sleeps peacefully. I sleep peacefully too.

The next day while wearing my shoes, I wink at my wife and utter: “Which is bad?”

She glances at my mother from the corner of her eye, then turns towards me and says, “Yes, witch is bad.”

I look at my mother and ask, “Which is bad?”

My mother says, “The blue one.”

I dump the blue socks and wear the black one, as my mother suggests. On my way out, I whisper into my mother`s ears: “I know you guys fought last evening. But I trust you. See even for my socks I still consult you.”

As I start the car, I hear noises in the balcony of my house. In my rear view mirror I see them holding each other by their unkempt hair. They sure love each other`s company.

* * * * * * * * *

I didn`t know what to advice the friend. After all, he was managing the situation pretty well himself. Besides, these are the group dynamics in every married man’s house.

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