Categories
Growing Up

A south Indian family survives north Indian winter

If you are a South Indian and reading this, chances are you will not understand because you have never seen a winter.

If you are a North Indian, you probably know what winter is all about but don`t know what it feels to be a south Indian…so read on. The Western & Eastern Indians can just sit and watch.

As I was saying, being a south Indian during North Indian winter isn`t easy.

I remember, back in Chennai, nobody would speak of the weather. People calling you wouldn`t ask: “So, how is the weather?” for they would know the answer. It is not to say that we didn`t have four seasons in Chennai – we had a hot season, more hot season, most hot season and then the hottest and humid season.

Here in Gurgaon, we have the summer, winter, autumn and spring. Spring is the season from May onwards till August when the working class springs from one company to the other after a not-so-good appraisal.

Anyway, a week back the Rajans realized that in Gurgaon the temperatures can be as low as 25 degree Celsius! “That`s winter!” my wife Rekha cried. “I never knew it would come in unannounced,” I exclaimed.

[mnky_ads id=”5202″]

We had never seen winter and didn`t know how to cope with it. The same day, I went to the edge of Gurgaon, collected some firewood and brought it home. For the next one week, we burnt firewood in the middle of the drawing room and blackened the marble. Had it not been for the family living below us, whose ceiling fan had melted and started dripping we would have never known about a household appliance called room heater.

Though the house was warm now, the floors still were too cold to walk on so Rekha and I hatched a plan. We were to follow the milkman the next day morning (without his knowledge of course) and see his house. We knew he had cows and buffaloes and goats and thus would have lots of hay.

The next day morning, as soon as he gave us the customary one liter of milk we locked our house and followed him in our car. We had to travel very slow because he was on a cycle. The good ‘spy` that my wife is we managed to avoid detection.

The same night we stole hay (or straw, whatever) from his house and spread it evenly on our apartment floor. I remember my grandpa telling me that way back in the 1930s when south India used to have a winter this is what they used to do.

Now we could walk on the floor without any issue, but had a problem taking bath. How could one take bath when the outside temperature was as low as 25 degree Celsius? Back in Chennai, we used to take bath twice (morning & evening) but here, it was becoming a challenge.

I even tried heating the water in the drawing room (on the 24X7 fire we were maintaining) but hot water baths weren`t good either because after wiping ourselves dry, we would freeze in the cold.

After two failed attempts, we stopped taking bath. We don`t stink yet because it has only been a week. If it gets colder and we can`t think of any alternatives to bathing we plan to stock up Axe Effect`s Winter Cool before its price goes up. In case you didn`t know, demand for deodorants goes up in winter (and one thought sweating was less in winters!).

Pity, we are only one week into the North Indian winter. Pray for this South Indian family so that we emerge victorious at the end of the North Indian winter. If you sympathize with us please send me a mail seeking bank account details.

Note: Anybody knows how to build an Igloo? We need to save ourselves from the cold and the Gurgaon bullets.

[mnky_ads id=”5203″]

Categories
Travel

Flirting with an air hostess with a baby in hand

[mnky_ads id=”5202″]

This is the story of me flirting with an air hostess with a baby in hand and my wife in tow. Here is how it happened –

My daughter Rhea, my wife Rekha and I left Gurgaon on Wednesday morning and reached Madurai in the evening – all for 3-4 days of Diwali celebration with friends & relatives.

These were the glory days of Air Deccan Airlines. Vijaya Mallaya was still rich and had just bought Air Deccan with his eyes closed. Needless to say Deepika Padukone had not ditched Sid Mallaya yet. All this is besides the point, but you get the drift.

As I was saying, our choice of flight was Air Deccan and interestingly they don’t want their patrons to buy tickets for kids below one year of age. Since the travel was free, we decided to take our 8-month-old baby girl along on the trip.

Traveling with a baby is a difficult ball game. When we left home, we had three hand baggages – my laptop, Rhea`s baby bag and Rhea herself. By the time we reached the airport, dressed in our woollens (because were out of the bed at an unearthly hour of 8 a.m.), we had decided to check in my laptop and carry just two hand baggages – baby Rhea and her baby bag.

By the time we had checked in, my daughter had given me enough indications about her career she was interested in – she was smiling at every Tom, Beep & Harry – like a true blue air hostess. For a moment, I did accept that as a career option for my 8-month-old daughter but when I realized that she would be exposed to 40-year-old, sex-starved men, shamelessly staring at her even with their wives were in tow I started having second thoughts. Even as I type this, I am thinking of a good career option for my daughter. The good old middle class dream – a District Collector maybe?

Carrying a baby isn`t all that bad, for an Air Deccan ground staff asked us to wait for a personal shuttle to drop us near the airplane. Unfortunately, it wasn`t as personal as one would have thought for when we boarded the shuttle, there were three women above 60 and one man above 65 waiting for us – and we aren`t talking of their weights in Kgs.

While boarding the plane, I caught one air hostess named ‘Deepti` eyeing my broad shoulders and healthy chest and perhaps wondering: “How good would it be to just rest my head on them and feel safe and secure?”

We wouldn`t proceed further on the issue because I caught this air-hostess eyeing another handsome man soon after. Note to self: Check if ‘misleading` is a synonym for ‘Beauty`.

As we settled down, two air hostesses and one lonely male cabin crew member gave away the emergency instructions. I wonder if these instructions are really useful. I remember listening to them patiently during my first few trips and now I don’t even bother to look up. When it comes to the post-boarding safety instructions I have two concerns:

If frequent fliers are like me don`t listen to instructions, are frequent fliers most likely to die in an emergency landing?

If 1 in every 1,100 trips has an emergency landing, why can`t these safety instructions be read out on those trips alone?

After sitting through the emergency instructions session which seemed longer than a Liciano Pavarotti opera, a pretty air hostess walked up to me. Even if I had my eyes closed, I would have told you that she was 36-28-36 by the micro seconds it took between two heel digs on the floor.

As I closed my eyes in prayer, this girl said: “Sir, is she your daughter?”

“I said yes.” It felt sad to be breaking her bubble, but I didn`t like the thought of she kissing me in front of my wife.

“Would you be carrying her while the flight takes off?”

“Yes,” I said. I wish, I could have said, “Hey, I am just kidding. She isn`t my daughter. I am just holding my co-passenger`s daughter” – and point towards my wife sitting next to me.

What I heard next, was a message from heaven. She said: “Sir, to avoid discomfort during flight takeoff and landing I suggest breastfeeding.”

I looked at Rekha, and she was busy thumbing through the shopping options in the in-flight magazine.

I turned towards the pretty air hostess, gave her my hundred dollar smile and said: “Great, so where do we meet as soon as the lights are switched off for take-off? Do you really want to do it at the time of landing as well?”

After 13 minutes:

I wonder why, when I asked for cotton for my baby`s ears when she started crying during the take off the same air hostess refused to acknowledge my existence.

[mnky_ads id=”5203″]

Categories
Current Affairs

Top ten ‘Abki baar Modi sarkar’ jokes which will make you laugh

We all love Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi. This is the best collection of “Abki Baar Modi Sarkar” jokes collected from all over.

Kya aap karte hain biwi se pyaar?
“Abki baar Modi sarkar”

+++++++++

Congress kyon loote baar baar
“Abki baar Modi sarkar”

+++++++++

Alok Nath sikhayenge humey sanskar
“Abki baar Modi sarkar”

+++++++++

Mallika Sherawat ka asli pyaar
“Abki baar Modi sarkar”

+++++++++

Twinkle twinkle little star
“Abki baar Modi sarkar”

+++++++++

Safed hai cement, kala hai tar
“Abki baar Modi sarkar”

+++++++++

Ek duni do, do duni chaar
“Abki baar Modi sarkar”

+++++++++

Chutney ke binadDhokla hai bekaar
“Abki baar Modi sarkar”

+++++++++

Arvin Kejriwal chalata hai Wagon R,
“Abki baar Modi sarkar”

+++++++++

Sonia ne Manmohan se kaha:

“Ab to apna maun vrat tod do son of sardar”

Toh Manmohan ji bhi bol pade,

“Abki baar Modi sarkar”

If you know good “Abki Baar Modi Sarkar” jokes, please leave them in the comments and we will add them to this list.

Categories
Office

Funny farewell mail for colleagues on last day in office

On Nov 9, I put in my papers (in some countries this is also known as resignation) at Satyam Computers (now Tech Mahindra). I was now moving to Yahoo! and looking forward to it.

[mnky_ads id=”5202″]

No, it wasn`t how Hollywood actors or a Bollywood actors like Amitabh Bachchan or a Vijay Shanti (of Telugu films) would submit their resignation letters and announce their last working day. Instead, it was quite a sober affair. After all leaving your colleagues is a sober affair. I mailed my reporting manager that I was resigning and he promptly accepted. No dharnas, no self-immolation threats and no protests on the road. Pity.

Since the next day was going to be my last day at Satyam Computers before I bid adieu, and I had to send in my last email to my colleagues, I was spending my night on it. I was working on an informal, creative and yet witty farewell email for my colleagues when a thought occurred to me: “Has somebody ever written a funny farewell mail for their colleagues?”

On Googling, I found this funny farewell mail written by Chris Kula, a comedy writer in New York City.

Here is the extremely funny goodbye email written by Chris Kula after he resigned.

Best funny farewell mail for colleagues on last day in office

Dear Co-Workers,

As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type “Today is my last day.”

For nearly as long as I`ve worked here, I`ve hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake – it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

Over the past three years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects – an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, “mostly satisfactory.” That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after even a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of mostly satisfactory scotch.

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

But to those few souls with whom I`ve actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:

To Rudy: I will always remember sharing lunch with you, despite having clearly labeled it with my name.

To Steven: I will miss detecting your flatulence as much as you will clearly miss walking past my cubicle to deliver it.

To Eileen: Best wishes on your ongoing campaign to popularize these “email forwards.” I sincerely hope you receive that weekend full of good luck, that hug from an old friend, and that baby for your dusty womb.

To Felix: I left a new wristwatch on your desk. It is so that you might be able to still tell time even without your hourly phone call to let me know the copier is jammed. (Call Steven – he`ll come by.)

And finally, to Kat: you were right – I tested positive. We`ll talk later.

So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the individual who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience like a sponge and soak it up like a good woman, because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.

Very truly yours,
Chris Kula

Recommended Reading: Funny farewell speech for colleagues while leaving office

Hope liked this last day’s funny farewell email. If you know of any more such funny farewell mail for colleagues on last day in office, please leave a message in the comments.

[mnky_ads id=”5203″]

Categories
Growing Up

Ancient Indian mythology stories nobody wants you to know

Indian mythology stories or Hindu mythology stories – however you call them them are a rich source of spiritualism, entertainment and morals on how to live your life. You must have read these mythological epics as kids, as adults or watched them on television as mega serials. One thing which you could not have escaped is the discussion on weather these stories were true or were just stories.

I say, why bother. How does it matter if these mythological tales were true or not? They are awesome, and we love them.

In fact, lets go a step further and see if we can create our own mythological stories set in modern era. In this article you are going to read four mythology stories re-told in the modern era.

Indian Mythology Story 1: Why Ganesha has an elephant head

Ganesh used to be a happy go lucky teenager when one day Shiva and Parvati asked him to find his own apartment. At first Ganesha refused but when Shiva and Parvati insisted that they wanted to live a retired life and might even go on a around-the-world voyage on a Star Cruise package, he agreed. As a first step, Ganesha picked up his mobile and went thro’ his contacts – just in case you didn’t know Ganesha had always thought he wasn’t as handsome as Lord Shiva, his father. You can say that under the shadow of his over-achieving father he had grown up with a huge inferiority complex. In short, he was suffering from what we know as Abhishek Bachchan syndrome.

Maybe, that’s why he didn’t call up the more handsome of his college mates –Lord Rama & God Kubera. He called up his college-mate Hanuman, the monkey God, and asked him if they could share the room & its rent but Hanuman refused saying he needed some privacy because he was finally – after a few thousand years – getting into a meaningful relationship with a girl. With nowhere to go, Ganesha picked up his Samsonite trolley and got out of his parents house. He left his stake-board back in his parent’s house because he knew that the jungle wouldn’t be a good place to try it.

As he traveled through the jungle looking for a place to stay he met many brokers, but their broker fee was way too high for a jobless Ganesha to afford. He kept traveling through the jungle. That’s when he met Appu the elephant, a budding weight-lifter.

Appu and Ganesha became the best of friends and started to live together. During this time, Appu introduced Ganesha to the local beauty surgeon, who said he could help improve Ganesha’s looks. During the initial discussions the surgeon realized that Ganesha was in awe of Appu’s looks and goaded Ganesha to speak to Appu about being the donor.

Initially Appu refused, but when given the option of being etched in sporting history by becoming the mascot of the first Asian Games, he relented. He agreed on the condition that Ganesha will ensure that the Asian Games Committee approves him as the mascot.

Rest as they say is history. Appu died being a donor. Ganesha got his face lift & his confidence.

Ganesha lived up to his word by forcing Jawahar Lal Nehru to use Appu as the first mascot of the Asian Games which were held in 1982 in New Delhi.

Indian Mythology Story 2: Why Shiva has a snake around his neck

Shiva didn’t always have a snake around his neck. Just before he was married he had been dating a girl called Ganga. But as luck would have it, due to family pressure and due to immense wealth in Parvathi’s family Shiva agreed to tie the knot around Parvathi’s neck. Being the good lady that Ganga was she distanced herself from Shiva the moment she heard of his marriage with Parvathi.

After two years of marriage – once the honeymoon period was over – Shiva and Parvathi started having conflicts. Once in a while Parvathi would also go back to her house to be with her father, the mountain king Himavan. After every fight Shiva would feel lonely. On one such occasion he buzzed Ganga on Facebook and they started talking. Ganga was still unmarried and was working with Pepsico Inc in their mineral water bottle wing called Aquafina. Both Shiva and Ganga started spending a lot of time together on Facebook. The old love was re-kindled but both stayed away from saying it out in the open.

All went well till one day Shiva forgot to log off from his Mac Air and Parvathi saw Shiva’s chat transcripts with Ganga. This threw her in a rage. After an all-night argument Shiva apologized and said: “I will do anything that you say. I am really sorry that this happened.”

At this Parvathi handed Shiva a snake and said: “Well then, always wrap around this snake around your neck. His eyes will provide me a video feed and his ears will provide me an audio feed all the time.”

At first Shiva resisted because this meant the end of his privacy, but even the argument that snakes didn’t have any ears thus audio feed wasn’t possible didn’t cut any ice with Parvathi.

Thus it would be fair to say that the snake around Lord Shiva was the first version of CCTV ever installed.

Indian Mythology Story 3: Why Sherawali is always sitting on a Tiger

Sherawali had always been a confidant lady. And as happens with all confidant ladies, there were no men in her life. In case you didn’t know men want less and less troubles in life so they shy away from confident women. Needless to say, Sherawali didn’t really have a man in her life till she was well into her forties. The first man who came into her life was Narayan (Nardar in Tamil) who was so self obsessed with himself that he would keep chanting his own name “Narayana” “Narayana” wherever he went. Maybe it was this self-obsession that didn’t allow him to see Sherawali’s confidence and dislike it. After two years in the relationship he finally started having trouble with her confidence levels.

To bring down her confidence levels he hatched a plan. Narayan knew a hacker from one of the open source conferences he had attended. He called him up: “Whats up, man?”

“How you doing buddy?” The hacker replied. The hacker was really on a high, he had just hacked into Netflix servers.

“Need help. I am going to challenge my girl friend Sherawali to a game of Pictionaryand you have to hack into the online game’s servers and ensure that I win the game.”

“That’s easy. Just Whatsapp me the username with which you will be playing and your girlfriend’s ID as well.”

The deal was done. And the date for the challenge was fixed.

Not suspecting anything Sherawali picked up her One Plus 3T and logged into the Pictionary app. Narayan also did the same.

Sherawali asked: “So, what does the loser have to do?”

Narayan replied: “Simple. The loser has to apply Super Glue on their behind and sit on a tiger for 24 hours.”

Sherawali accepted the challenge, and thanks to the hacker lost it too.

Since that day, Sherawali has been sitting on the Tiger. The plan was to sit on a Tiger for only 24 hours but nobody has found a solution to Super Glue yet. Till this day, she continues to wait for that innovator.

Indian Mythology Story 4: Why Hanuman is Lord Rama’s most ardent follower

If you know your mythology you would know that as a child Hanuman thought the sun was a bright orange fruit and tried to swallow it. What the mythological stories don’t tell you is that when he tried to swallow the sun, he heard the cries of a girl. Needless to say, since the girl was sitting on the sun, she was hot. The child Hanuman fell for the hot girl immediately. He brought her down and nursed her back to health and like Kamalahassan falling in love with Sri Devi in the Bollywood movie Sadma, Hanuman also fell in love with this girl.

As they grew up, they grew to like each other as friends and never gave the relationship a name. Unfortunately, once the girl was beyond teenage years she started hating the monkey God.

“Who are you? Just a monkey, after all,” she said much to the disappointment of the monkey God.

That’s exactly the time when Lord Rama was passing through the jungle. Hanuman met him and showed him around the jungle. As is the tradition, while leaving Ram gifted his Sony A9 camera to the monkey God. Using this camera, Hanuman snapped a photo of his girl friend (when she wasn’t looking, of course) and pasted it on his chest. Good thing he discussed on which glue to use with Sherawali, else he would have also ended up using the Super Glue.

He then stage-managed the whole ripping of his heart drama and showed her photo within his chest. The girl fell for it hook, line & sinker.

Two days later, on a high of having finally attained his girlfriend he went to Lord Rama and ripped his chest to show Lord Rama’s photo inside.

Lord Rama said: “”Yeah right! Nice try! And he turned towards Laxman and said: “Laxman, why don’t you show Hanuman my latest iPhone 7 with 12 mega pixel wide-angle and telephoto cameras?”

Though Rama didn’t fall for Hanuman’s trick, by being the best servant Lord Rama ever had, Hanuman is trying to repay his debt to Ram.

Categories
Current Affairs

President Trump squashed my dream forever and is now celebrating 100 days

30 April, 2017 marks hundred days of Donald Trump as President of USA. Personally, I am a tad upset that United States has to see this day. But then who am I to complain? Even President Donald Trump himself isn’t happy that he is the President of USA. A few days back in an interview to Reuters he said he didn’t expect Presidency to be so hard. This is what he said:

I loved my previous life. I had so many things going. This is more work than in my previous life. I thought it would be easier.
– US President Donald Trump

So, is Donald Trump going back to being just rich? We don’t know. But his elevation to the helm of USA has been a huge personal blow. So much so that USA is no longer my dream country. It is no longer a country I so desperately want to go to.

 

Why USA had become my dream country overnight

 

My parents have always been proud of my acting skills. Whenever our relatives came home my parents would ask me to enact scenes from popular Bollywood movies. And in between Gabbar Singh’s “woh kitne aadmi they?” and enactment of Amitabh Bachchan’s death in the climax scene from the same movie ‘Sholay’ I would be asked, “So, what is your dream?”

My mother had always wanted me to be a doctor and my father wanted me to join the Indian Army. Being the sentimental fool that I was, I wanted to make both of them happy by joining the Indian Army as a doctor. So, my answer to this question was always, “I want to study in Armed Forces Medical College, Pune and become a doctor in the Indian Army.”

One fine day, my answer to the above question changed forever.

[mnky_ads id=”5202″]

My eighth standard classmate Ikroop Singh had just watched the first episode of ‘Baywatch’ and during lunch break just wouldn’t stop talking about it.

“Does the camera really zoom in on the woman’s chest?” I asked in disbelief.

“Boobs. Not chest,” Ikroop smiled.

“Yes, boobs,” I sheepishly agreed.

“And the women run in slow motion too!” Ikroop chipped in again.

“Wow! I so want to watch ‘Baywatch’ now.” I meant every word.

That’s when Ikroop Singh said something which changed my dream for ever, and has had a far-reaching effect on my life ever since.

“Baywatch is set in United States. In USA, you can watch boobs whenever you want,” he said with a grin.

“Really? I want to live in USA!” I exclaimed.

“It is possible, you know? Just get your green card. Simple.” He said and walked away.

Since that day, if anybody asked for my dream, I would swell up my chest, raise my chin high, spread my arms and rest them on my hips and proudly announce to the world, “I want to own a green card.”

Nobody asked me why I wanted to be a green card holder, but I did get a lot of claps and shouts of ‘Bravo!’

Many years later, I would come to know that green card is never green but that’s beside the point.

It has been 30+ years since this incident and I have seen my share of boobs (if I double count them it is even more!) but I no longer want to be a green card holder.

My love for the United States didn’t waver when in 2011 American Financial Services company Standard & Poor’s downgraded United States top-tier credit rating from AAA to AA-Plus. I agree that the rating does sound like battery size and the name of the rater is prone to manipulation as ‘Poor Standards’ or ‘Standard’s Poor’ but this didn’t affect my love for the country.

I didn’t lose hope when I came to know that the USA owed China more than a trillion dollars in loan. They will pay back, I thought and moved on.

I kept my faith even when they went from one war to another – Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, and the Star Trek wars. In fact, I didn’t even mind when Americans were pompous enough to live telecast one of their wars on Television in six parts – remember, the war led by General James T Kirk?

[mnky_ads id=”5203″]

 

When USA disappointed itself

 

My USA aspirations were first dented 100 days ago when Donald Trump became the President of USA.

Sometime back ex-President of United States Bill Clinton, who left the White House with a bit of a stain on his character and a bigger stain on an intern’s skirt had said: “There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America.” By the time President Donald Trump finishes his term Clinton would have changed it to “There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is left with America.”

On April 30, 2017 Donald Trump marks 100 days as President of USA, and let me assure you it hasn’t been pretty watching him from outside of USA. But the folks in United States don’t seem to have any issue with him – they seem to be fine as-long-as Donald Trump supplies joke material for late-night comedy shows on television.

Maybe that is why the political commentators in USA don’t want Trump to go, because then they must work harder for their jokes.

In fact, I won’t be surprised if on his 100th day as the President of USA Donald Trump gets onto the podium, thumps his fist on the podium and claims that his first 100 days as the President of USA had more days than Barack Obama’s first 100 days as President.

So, here’s to Donald Trump’s 100 days – which are more ‘bigly’ than any American President’s first 100 days ever!

Dear Americans, today my prayers are with you. God bless America!

Categories
Family

Funniest letter ever written by mother to her son

I promise, I didn’t write this. No, seriously. What you are going to read is the funniest letter ever written by a mother to her son. This letter was written by a Sardani mother to her son in Canada. Where else!

Let me assure you that we can’t stereotype sardars. Some of them are intelligent. Here is a short story of how Ikroop Singh, a sardar classmate of mine in class ten stumped me. Ikroop Singh despite his turban continued to hold fort that he was not a Sardar. In order to finally corner him into submission, I asked: “OK, agreed that you are not a sardar. Just tell me in which state were you born?”

He said: “State of Denial.”

[mnky_ads id=”5202″]

Here is the funniest letter ever written by a mother to her son

Pyare Puttar,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I’m writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20miles. I won’t be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address.

Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I’m not sure it works too well.Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven’t seen them since.

The weather here isn’t too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

By the way I took Bahu to our club’s poolside. The manager is badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don’t know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father’s last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.

There isn’t much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. Wanted to write longer but the envelope is already sealed.

Live long
Your dear mother
Jaswanto

[mnky_ads id=”5203″]

Categories
Growing Up

Why I chose alcohol over music and how I am correcting myself

[mnky_ads id=”5202″]
While I was growing up we had an EC TV on which we would without fail watch Rangoli every Sunday. Exactly at 7 a.m. my mother would switch on the television so that the whole family can watch Rangoli and enjoy good old Bollywood melodies. Around the same time, my father would start his rant that it wasn’t a program to be aired at 7 am in the morning. His reasoning – it was too early to start drinking and build immunity towards music.

As you may have understood by now, I come from a family divided over music. And as luck would have it, I got more of my father’s genes and less of my mother’s – the love for alcohol explains this better than anything else.

Not that I hate music. I love it. I love the noise patterns music actually is. It is a unique and different noise. The noise patterns vary depending on who the composer was. Beethoven has his own patterns while AR Rahman has his own.

If only I didn’t get more of my father’s genes, I would have probably cultivated music as my addiction. Music is a great addition to have – it is invisible, it doesn’t smell and it doesn’t cost anything. on top of it, wives won’t have any problems if you were addicted to Music.

As of today, thanks to my father’s genes I have a liking for alcohol and sometimes women, sometimes money and sometimes fame. Funny, for these are all the addictions which force grown up men to wear tight pants, grow hair, pierce bodies and form music bands.

It is another thing that they start off with crazy names such as Def Leppard, The The, Mr Mister and !!! (yes, there is a band called !!! and mind you this band can’t be googled about. Give it a shot, if you will).

If I had started a band, it would have been called “Jammin with Jammy”

They say you are born with a sense for music or you aren’t. I intend to beat that – I have already started working on improving my music sense. As of now my favourite is the music played by ICICI Bank when they put me on hold. Second in line is Yanni’s music played at five star hotels – consistently boring, but pregnant with meaning.

One can’t really get a sense of music without learning a music instrument and that’s why after a good amount of research I have identified Piano as the instrument I am going to learn. I know typing so I expect to pick up piano faster. The only difference I noticed was that the keys on a Piano don’t have alphabets or numbers on them. How difficult can it be if you already know typing? Wait till I have learnt it.

If you leave a nice comment, you will be invited to my first performance.

[mnky_ads id=”5203″]